Disordered: Mind, Body, Spirit

This was probably the hardest chapter to write so far!  Mostly because it is the area in my life that needs the most amount of healing still.  This is because it’s not just about me healing emotionally but because this involves a mental imbalance and it involves generational DNA.

I find it fitting and interesting that just this last week I had a trigger with dysmorphia.  I found myself obsessing, comparing, judging, and so much more.  Which reminded me: its a journey.  I MUST not give up.  I must not get lax.  I must not give into negative vibration.  AND I MUST continue to do the inner work to be the best version of myself to be that intentional disciple for others.

What was my trigger?  Social media selfies of friends.

I want others who don’t understand dysmorphia to maybe take a moment and see through our lenses for a moment and think before you post something.  And this is not just for us but for yourself as well.   Because every time we place ourselves out there to be looked at just for our physical flesh “accomplishments” we are making ourselves vulnerable to be coveted and lusted after.  Plus we are not building up the body of Christ by creating these temptations when we want to just vainly post our aesthetic accomplishments….

But please hear this…..this is not judgement…because I know some amazing people who post these selfies who truly don’t think they are doing harm….they think they are doing good….but let me help you see it from our lenses...

Dysmorphia sees:  I will never be that pretty….I am too fat….I will never be that thin….I am too short….I can’t go out with them because everyone will wonder why do they hang out with “her”…..I am ugly….there is something wrong with me…..I am not lovable….what did he/she mean by that comment?….

The mental chatter can be endless….

Those with dysmorphia do have a responsibility to minimize their triggers….but dear ones you do to!  We all have a responsibility as children of God to not lead anyone into sin….to not lead anyone deeper into their struggles.

So my challenge to you is to truly reflect before you post that selfie: is it going to draw your brothers and sisters in Christ closer to Him? or farther?  Is it going to draw YOU closer to Christ?  Is it helping or hindering your Christ walk?  Is it causing you to focus too much on your flesh and not enough on the spirit of your being?

May you all find this next chapter healing and full of hope….and may what I shared above cause us all to reflect in how we can truly be a better version of ourselves always….especially when it comes to being an intentional disciple!

My love, hugs, and prayers always!

Kelly 🙂

chapter 11

CHAPTER 11: DISORDER

After speaking up it felt like I was finally free from being a magnet of sexual harassment and sexual grabs…..but very aware, actually hyper aware,  by this time in my life, the micro-looks of a pure look and a lustful look from ANY man.

I learned how to truly stay away from men, situations, and events that could make me feel vulnerable.  But by this time I was so self-conscience of my body that I still felt the need to “be perfect”  I just knew if I looked a particular way then maybe just maybe I wouldn’t attract the wrong men, I would love myself better, and I would finally find peace and freedom.

What I didn’t know was the years of being objectified had created a mental disconnect with my mind and body called dysmorphia. This actually took place at a young age.  There are many different factors that cause a young girl to develop dysmorphia at a young age.  This IS a mental condition that usually becomes obvious by the teen years.  A side note:  There is a huge difference between a girl just not liking what she sees in the mirror and moves on, versus dysmorphia.  With dysmorphia a girl looks in the mirror and doesn’t like what she sees and will go to extremes to change it.  Even avoid contact with others because she feels she is hideous looking.

I also experienced disordered eating.  Depending on how I felt I would eat to punish or not eat to punish myself.  If I did eat something that I deemed “wrong” or “too much” well then I would work out too much.  You see I wasn’t real keen on the throwing up part.  Don’t get me wrong if I felt I had eaten too too much….I would occasionally force myself to throw up but I knew too much about our health to know that the acid destroys the esophagus and destroys gut health, and so much more.  So my purge of choice was beating myself up at the gym for hours at a time.

Some women because of pain and trauma of sexual abuse hide behind weight I chose to hide behind punishment.  If I could master the chiseled body…the perfect diet…..I would then no longer be a victim of sexual distortions!  And that was the distortion in my own mind, heart and soul!

Do you find yourself obsessing over food? Exercise? Your Body?  Does this obsession take on a life of it’s own in your mind?  Do you sometimes wonder if it’s bigger than you?

Let’s take a look at the blend of: Serenity, Patchouli, Douglas Fir

Serenity:   Disorders….especially dysmorphia has a person’s mind not being quiet, being overactive in the negative chatter.  Serenity brings about tranquility.  It reconnects you with your inner self to find peace within.  It opens you up to acknowledge the imbalance and find space to reflect on your personal healing.

Patchouli:  Plain and simple dysmorphia is about body judgement.  There is such a deep need to find peace to be truly present in your body.  This oil is so amazing in releasing deep issues of judgement and feeling dirty from sexual abuse.  It is the oil of Physicality so it connects your body and spirit to become deeply united.  It opens you up to appreciate the magnificence of your body!

Douglas Fir:  There are many things in a girl’s life that can cause dysmorphia.  One of them is generational.  Having a mom or family member who has dysmorphia increases the likelihood of inheriting it.  Douglas fir is about generational wisdom.  When we have knowledge we can learn from the past.  We can break free from the destructive traditions and behaviors of our families past.  We can bring new life and new growth and healing into our own life as well as to those in our future.

Diffuse these three oils together or create a roller bottle so you can place them on pulse points.  These are especially powerful oils to tap with.  They will encourage amazing emotional release through your prayer and tapping.

Prayer:

Oh Heavenly Father….I know that I know that I know I AM MORE THAN THIS BODY….this BODY has served me so well….it loves me by holding me, carrying me through the day….breathing for me…beating for me…yet I am mean to it….I look at it and judge it….I compare it…..I hide it in shame…please break me free from the bondage of the past generations who did the same….break me of the pain of my abuse and how I view my body….help me to remember I AM NOT MY BODY…but most of all grant me peace to be truly present in this body and to love it fully as you love it…..AMEN.

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Enough Already…

I am enough!!!

I will have to probably repeat that mantra…my affirmation…FOR THE REST OF  MY LIFE!!!

It is my weak link…my access point for the enemy.

It’s not that I don’t know it…I DO!!!

It’s not that I don’t feel it…I DO!!!

It’s not that I don’t believe it…I DO….most of the time….

And there in-lies the problem…my weak point…my access point where the enemy whispers his disgusting lies!!!

I had a difficult hour last week when the whole day had been beautiful, wonderful….then….in a blink of an eye… all came crashing down on me.  It was my amazing wise, 40-year-old-stuck-in-a-14-year-old-body, daughter that had me reflect on what was really going on internally.

We talked about hormones…periods…emotions.  Her statements and questions were basically directed to the fact that: just because I don’t still have a period my body system still has hormones.  She was right.

She sensed I needed ClaryCalm and Serenity.  I laughed cause I don’t really like the smell of ClaryCalm.  Its too floral for me.  But if there is anything I have learned about the essential oils when we don’t really like a smell….especially if we have a negative reaction to it….it may mean our body REALLY needs it!

My daughter was soooooo right….

It stirred up emotions of continual healing from losing Sam.  Sam should’ve been born 6 years ago around this time.

A year later I needed a hysterectomy.  Therefore, present day I don’t experience the beautiful signals our beautiful female bodies will naturally share with us about our hormonal cycle.  Before the hysterectomy I charted my bio-markers.  This allowed me to see my estrogen build up and rise, then drop off.   Actually for me I was able to see the dysfunction of being estrogen dominant.

Our bodies are beautifully made.  They are continually talking to us.  Our bodies share with us how to take care of them, how to be healthy and strong.  Yet, I don’t have that ability anymore.  Even though my hormones are still doing something inside.  I don’t have the bio-markers to guide me anymore.

This is a reminder that I won’t carry any more children.  How can I possibly be enough for my hubby…my daughter…for God…oh the lies our enemy tries to fill in our heads.

The monthly blend, ClaryCalm, is the oil of vulnerability.  NO WONDER why I DON’T like the smell of it!!!

Who likes to feel vulnerable….IT MEANS WEAKNESS…..but that is a LIE!!!

What it really means is being open to true warmth and love in relationship.

My daughter had wisdom with this oil that she didn’t even know or understand.  But her spirit knew….and her connection and bond to me was supporting me and sharing with me what I needed to know to support myself and to continue the healing process.

This blend helps release emotional tension from the ovaries; to release suffering and dread.  We as women tend to have this surround our periods.  but since I don’t receive a period I have this build up of hormonal emotions that I don’t have bio-signals for anymore.

This can cause me to want to be even more guarded and closed.  Add to it loss, past traumas with men, and shame….but….that’s the beauty of continual healing…

God reminded me through my precious 14 year old that ClaryCalm is what I need to support myself.  I need to continue to grow in vulnerability, grow in healing, grow in knowing I AM ENOUGH.

I WILL learn a new way to monitor my hormones and with patience I will find a balance.  After all God has shown me so many other things through essential oils, tapping, plant based living, and so much more….I KNOW He will help me find a new way to find my hormonal rhythm…naturally…HIS WAY!!!

Do you struggle with feeling enough?  Do you need to open yourself up to vulnerability?  Hormonal balance? 

Seek out God’s rhythm for you!

He will remind you just HOW ENOUGH YOU REALLY ARE!!!

Sit…pray…journal…oil up….tap…and most important seek God through all of it!

As we connect one drop at a time to WHOLE health….mind body soul spirit…

you have my hugs and blessings always…

Kelly 🙂

http://www.my.doterra.com/kellyfrick

Fear Your Dreams

Pursuing dreams and goals, they can be scary.

I have moments when I find myself falling into the temptation of fear.  It tries to mask itself with all sorts of tricks but ultimately it is fear.

Fear:

  • I won’t reach my goal.
  • I am going to neglect my family.
  • I’m not going to meet my daughters needs.
  • I’m being selfish.
  • I’m going to mess it all up.

But then I STOP…I reach for several oils.  I first use Forgive while I tap and pray.  I have God remind me He placed these dreams and goals in my heart and head because its HIS mission that He has placed there.

By me reaching these goals, I will be breaking the doubt and bondage of generational junk.

  • God is teaching me this is my path for Him and this path WON’T create division between me and my daughter or husband. 
  • He is showing me I don’t have to fear dreams and goals! 
  • I don’t have to fear my family will be hurt or angry with me.
  • I don’t have to fear I’m not equipped because HE HAS equipped me.

I am blessed to have the two greatest cheerleaders: my daughter and husband.  They don’t doubt what God is calling me to do…..and they DON’T ever feel like I put anything before them!

As a family we pitch in to take care of the house, each other, and we each pursue our individual dreams and goals together!

After I have oiled up, tapped, and prayed through all that I feel: Peace…Serenity.  I am able to relate to the serenity prayer in a deeper more meaningful way.

What do you need to relinquish…to find your Peace and Serenity?!

Sit with this….oil up….tap….pray….connect :)….

Many blessings dear beloved ones….

Kelly 😉

http://www.my.doterra.com/kellyfrick

 

Only 7 Days left! {Transitions}

Time is ticking.

In one week my family embarks on the next chapter in our life!

We go south to Georgetown, Texas!

Yet my mind is whirling with all that I have done and all I still need to do.  I don’t have enough hours in each day to see friends, pack, follow-up appointments with clients/customers, and sooo much more!

What keeps me from pushing too hard?  From losing focus?  From not living in the moment?

Many things…but the biggest is the gift of having HASHIMOTOS!

Some may find it a daunting autoimmune disease but I do not (most of the time).  I have found it to be a gift especially in times like this.  It reminds me to connect to the situation.

I MUST be mindful of each choice.  I CANNOT try to “muscle” through a day of juggling too many things, and too little sleep, like I once did before Hashimoto’s.  That is where the blessing is.  I don’t have the “luxury” of being abusive to my health.  And I MUST remember each day I AM MIND, BODY, SOUL, SPIRIT……and they all work in harmony for optimal health!

So today my focus is meeting for a follow up appointment with a new oiler.   I will take my daughter to have her braces taken off.  Then I will have my adoration hour with Jesus for the last time at my Amarillo parish, St. Thomas the Apostle.  And nothing else!  In between these three appointments I will stay focused on living and breathing with Cheer, Peace, and Serenity!  How?

I continually bind my will into HIS WILL!

I will spend moments sitting and sipping tea while I read or listen to an audiobook.

I will go for a nice relaxing walk with my hubby at the end of the day.

I will not try to squeeze in extra packing today.

I will not try to make any more oiler coaching appointments.

I will not make promises to others that I know is not possible for this day.

AND…..I WILL NOT DEPRIVE MYSELF OF SLEEP!

I WILL BE LOVING AND KIND TO MYSELF.

I WILL CONNECT TO MY INNER BEAUTY AND TAKE CARE OF ME!

Do you try to push through things so hard to forget to connect to what your mind body soul spirit really need in the moment!?

Sit with this….pray about this….journal about it…..and share/connect with me about it!

Many blessings and hugs my dear followers….friends….family….

~Kelly 🙂

http://www.mydoterra.com/kellyfrick

Serenity {Find Rest in the Lord}

Serenity….

That is what I’ve been trying to feel for about 2 to almost 3 months now since we decided we were moving to the Austin area.

Well we went to Georgetown last week and found a home!  Bought a home!  Going through all the closing process and now finishing up the packing in our Amarillo home.

It all feels like a whirlwind.  A very blessed whirlwind, with one hiccup:  our Amarillo home hasn’t sold!  It has been very frustrating for my hubby.  There has been homes in our area that have sold within weeks of being on the market.  He has had a hard time not letting go and trusting God’s hand in all of it.

But, yesterday as I was cleaning and getting ready for a showing that was cancelled I thought: what could be the root, the issue, what’s holding this house in limbo?  I have thought is was my hubby and all his type A personality and him having to work through trust issues and control issues with God.  Of course we all have these same issues just in varying ranges and degrees.

What I have realized through prayer and reflection is I could be the cause of our house having an energy or spirit of being held back.  Okay stay with me.  I know so many of us are able to rap our brains around the mind body soul spirit of a being.  But is there really a spirit or an energy of a thing?  I think it is the link to the being, us, that will create or attach energy thus good or bad spirit to an item or a thing or even a place.  So let me explain….

I have been and still am beyond excited about this move.  BUT being the introvert and highly sensitive person I am, this home has provided 10 plus years of security and SERENITY for me.  It has been where all my friends can come and gather and fellowship.  I am person who doesn’t like big crowds or gathers; but at my own home I LOVE IT!

Now my body and spirit are going to have to start over,  process new people and new places all at the same time.  Where as in my home I get to be me.  I will have that at my new home but it will take time just like making new friends will take time.  I also have to give up my security, my SERENITY, of people who know me and love me for all my amazing quirkiness.  I love being quirky, I love being me.  I need to remember that I can still be me even somewhere else.  Those in Georgetown will get to know me too and I will find my familiarity, my peace, my SERENITY there too!

So to my Amarillo home:  If I have held you back in anyway: I am so sorry.  If I have clung to you rather than God: I am sorry.  And if I have said or done anything to not allow good energy or spirit to flow from you when someone looks at you: I am sorry.  I’m going to miss you.  I will lean on my SERENITY OIL to support me in this process of saying goodbye and to thank you for holding so much love and laughter for over 10 years!

What do you need to find some calm, some SERENITY with?  Do you find yourself having emotional overload, agitation, restlessness, anxiety, or disconnected?   How can you find your peace, calm, tranquil and connected spirit in a situation?

Sit with this….pray about this…..journal about this….share and connect with me about it!

Many hugs and blessings dear followers….family…friends….

~Kelly 🙂

http://www.mydoterra.com/kellyfrick

Lavender Love

Lavender is the oil of communication…..

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Lavender has not been my friend recently…

I actually didn’t realize it was lavender that was causing me to have headaches…and not feeling so swell.

I didn’t think of it because I don’t use lavender by itself most times…..I diffuse it at night in a blend called Serenity.….and roller it on my pulse points in another blend called Clary-Calm…

But during a  self-care support gathering I facilitated on Saturday we discussed the emotional components of Lavender…..

It still didn’t really make much of a difference to me at that point….but since it was fresh in my mind….when I went to use Clary-Calm on Sunday….I instantly experienced tightness in my temples……which had me thinking….

I started to track back over the last week every time I had that type of headache….and sure enough it was when I would be getting ready to go to sleep….and when I would reach for Clary-Calm….

So what was going on!?

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I pulled out my trusty EMOTIONS AND ESSENTIAL OILS book and started to re-read to see if anything resonated within me….

Sure enough I was experiencing the negative emotions….meaning emotions that haven’t cleared or needed to be cleared from my body….my spirit….

You see essential oils are supportive when you are needing to feel strength in a particular emotion….or needing to connect or heal…..in a particular area….emotion….

BUT…..if that emotion is so strong….it can get locked in your body….your spirit…..and that oil when used is like a thorn…so it’s not a sign to NOT use that oil….INSTEAD it’s an indication to have you stand up and take notice….

Notice your spirit is trying to tell you something through your body…..

So why was I feeling the negative response!?

I need to be more emotionally honest with my extended family.  I need to give voice to how words are my love language and they need to respect that…..I need to make sure my spirit is heard so my body can heal!

When we speak up with our physical voice we nurture our spiritual voice and this brings us to an awareness and a connection to God’s amazing love and grace.

So the question for you my dear readers….

What are you holding back!?  What have you been afraid to speak up about?! What rejection are you fearing!?  How can YOU FIND YOUR VOICE!?

Take a moment to sit with this….pray about it…write about it….and then use your voice!  Live in HIS WILL!

Many blessings and hugs always dear readers….family….friends….

~Kelly 🙂

 

 

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