Oh my goodness…it made me dance, laugh, and smile soooo big!
The caricature on the cover and within it reminds me of ME! She is cute, bubbly, and curvy!
As we all know here – if you have been reading my blog for very long – know that my willingness to truly compliment and love me for me has been a journey. Dysmorphia is not a label I own, but I do continue to respect it and learn more and more ways on shutting up the lies that like to pop up from time to time.
This journal makes me excited because the way I started my 2022 journals – with some very specific intentions in growing my whole health with exercise/movement, nutrition, mental health, and so much more – are now able to all be in ONE PLACE rather than 3 or 4 different journals….I am soo excited to start using it!
I have been tapping more the last 3 days than I probably average in 30 days!
My father passed away on Tuesday morning….and the emotions I have experienced have been extreme and everywhere.
I was on my way to see him on Sunday but while traveling I received a call that he was in the heart hospital to have some tests done.
He has a history of heart stuff and multiple stints so no surprise other than knowing that if he was doing this on a Sunday he definitely wasn’t feeling well.
The first emotion I had was frustration. I had not seen my father in over a year and due to the protocols with hospitals right now I was not going to be allowed to go in and see him.
Monday they determined he needed another stint. They did the procedure and the thought was he would be able to come home that evening….buuut…..there was more bleeding than expected from the spot.
So second major emotion….anger that he had to be in a hospital alone….he is a social person…he thrives on others spending time with him! His top love languages were time and touch.
They decided to keep him another night. Now none of this stopped me from being creative to see him.
I had a care package delivered to his room and arranged with the floor nurse to open his window so we could sing to him and cheer him up. It was so much fun and I’m so grateful to have had that as his last moments with us.
Tuesday morning THE call came early…..my mom comes out to the kitchen as I was making my coffee…..she hands me the phone and says she doesn’t know what to do.
The nurse on the other end is explaining to me that they are giving him CPR but if they stop his heart will stop what does my mom want to do.
I tell her I will call her back as I talk to my mom….knowing that it won’t come to that cause sure enough the nurse calls back within in minutes and let’s me know that they had to call the time of death.
Next emotion…numb…I didn’t truly have time to truly feel anything cause my mom needed me. My time would have to wait. So I tapped some more.
Tuesday night as I got ready for bed….deep sorrow….gut wrenching sobs….but I only allowed some to come…..why?! Cause I knew if I lost it right then I didn’t know if I would return….
It was a choice to pause the sorrow….right or wrong….it was a choice I made…..
Wednesday was about processing…being with family….and trying super hard to stay present in the moment so I could truly feel all the emotions and not stuff them away….
I know it hasn’t truly fully hit me…..
But today we meet with the Funeral Home….we find out when we can actually have the funeral and then coordinate it with the church and due to again all the protocols that have been put into place due to this last year…..we are stuck with anger….
Anger that his last days were in-humane…..anger that his family and friends won’t get to have the closer they deserve….anger that he died alone without family!
So I tap…..and I find the gratitude of the having had 46 years with him….gratitude that he was the gentle soul he was….and gratitude that we did have some amazing memories.
So this next year will probably look different how I blog, post on social media, and even how I coach…..because I know if I’m willing to share with you in the moment what I’m experiencing maybe just maybe I will be able to help someone else who is going through something similar or who is still trying to process the emotions of losing a loved one.
I know my postings probably will be hit and miss for awhile and that too will be part of my willingness to continue to be raw and real with you’ll.
As you spend your last day of 2020….please reflect on all your blessings don’t take for granted one moment with family, friends, community.
But don’t also beat yourself up over “what if’s”…..or “should of”……
Instead move through the emotions……feel them….release yourself….and be present in the healing process.
On Sundays I love sitting in the bliss of knowing that God himself took a day of rest!
I think He did this for multiple reasons…
But I think the biggest one was to set the example to us.
When we don’t stop to reconnect with Him and ourselves for one day a week how can we possible remember to do the same just a little bit each day!
Having the discipline of truly unplugging from work, hustle and bustle, the world…..for just one day a week is more important than you can imagine!
I challenge you this advent to start truly setting aside a whole day that has you connecting to God and therefore yourself…
I know you will find how to better love yourself thus growing and strengthening your relationship with God….and as your grow in your relationship with God you grow in your self love! Do you see the beautiful cycle of hope and healing?!
I started out this year with purposing myself to hop on to Facebook EVERY TUESDAY to provide support and service with a facebook live. I do this on my public page Kelly Frick: Connect as well as in two other groups: my private clients and my team of leaders.
What started out as me wanting to be super intentional and consistent in showing up for something…..has turned into an amazing transformation in my own health….we are talking my mental health…..and how it effects my physical health.
You see because of the traumas I experienced in my past….my fight, flight, freeze was always on hyper-alert. And dysmorphia definitely distorts that and makes it even more intense.
So my excuse factor for why I couldn’t do something, show up somewhere, and keep a schedule was always…well full of excuses.
Over the years with ministry and business I have worked more and more on this. But 3 years ago I made a commitment to myself that I had to truly think before I committed to something so I wouldn’t back out at the last minute. So that once I set a date, put something on the schedule or told someone I would be there…..I HAD TO DO IT!!!
It was hard at first…..because it is not that I didn’t want to be true to my word….but you have to understand…..trauma….particularly sexual abuses…..creates this distortion in the brain that EVERYTHING is a potential danger.
I wanted to once and for all be braver and start rewiring my brain to believe and KNOW it was okay to have an amazing ministry and business, to support women, to be the best version of myself.
And that is what I have done.
I have consistently been showing up EVERY TUESDAY for a Facebook Live…..and every week I schedule wellness calls with clients…..every month I provide a wellness workshop…..AND I DO NOT CANCEL ON MYSELF OR ON THEM!!!
What have you cancelled on that was due to your fight, flight, or freeze being in hyper alert?!
Sit with this….pray about it…..journal….tap….and oil up!
Many blessings always,
Here is today’s Transformation Tuesday about preventative care…..
Once I receive a notification of your enrollment….I will reach out to you to get your first of many wellness calls set up to help you set up a 90 day coaching plan that will address YOUR WELLNESS GOALS, how to use your essential oils, plugged into private coaching and group…..and a welcome package will be mailed out to you!