Numb…anger…sorrow!

Raw and real moment!

I have been tapping more the last 3 days than I probably average in 30 days!

My father passed away on Tuesday morning….and the emotions I have experienced have been extreme and everywhere.

I was on my way to see him on Sunday but while traveling I received a call that he was in the heart hospital to have some tests done.

He has a history of heart stuff and multiple stints so no surprise other than knowing that if he was doing this on a Sunday he definitely wasn’t feeling well.

The first emotion I had was frustration. I had not seen my father in over a year and due to the protocols with hospitals right now I was not going to be allowed to go in and see him.

Monday they determined he needed another stint. They did the procedure and the thought was he would be able to come home that evening….buuut…..there was more bleeding than expected from the spot.

So second major emotion….anger that he had to be in a hospital alone….he is a social person…he thrives on others spending time with him! His top love languages were time and touch.

They decided to keep him another night. Now none of this stopped me from being creative to see him.

I had a care package delivered to his room and arranged with the floor nurse to open his window so we could sing to him and cheer him up. It was so much fun and I’m so grateful to have had that as his last moments with us.

Tuesday morning THE call came early…..my mom comes out to the kitchen as I was making my coffee…..she hands me the phone and says she doesn’t know what to do.

The nurse on the other end is explaining to me that they are giving him CPR but if they stop his heart will stop what does my mom want to do.

I tell her I will call her back as I talk to my mom….knowing that it won’t come to that cause sure enough the nurse calls back within in minutes and let’s me know that they had to call the time of death.

Next emotion…numb…I didn’t truly have time to truly feel anything cause my mom needed me. My time would have to wait. So I tapped some more.

Tuesday night as I got ready for bed….deep sorrow….gut wrenching sobs….but I only allowed some to come…..why?! Cause I knew if I lost it right then I didn’t know if I would return….

It was a choice to pause the sorrow….right or wrong….it was a choice I made…..

Wednesday was about processing…being with family….and trying super hard to stay present in the moment so I could truly feel all the emotions and not stuff them away….

I know it hasn’t truly fully hit me…..

But today we meet with the Funeral Home….we find out when we can actually have the funeral and then coordinate it with the church and due to again all the protocols that have been put into place due to this last year…..we are stuck with anger….

Anger that his last days were in-humane…..anger that his family and friends won’t get to have the closer they deserve….anger that he died alone without family!

So I tap…..and I find the gratitude of the having had 46 years with him….gratitude that he was the gentle soul he was….and gratitude that we did have some amazing memories.

So this next year will probably look different how I blog, post on social media, and even how I coach…..because I know if I’m willing to share with you in the moment what I’m experiencing maybe just maybe I will be able to help someone else who is going through something similar or who is still trying to process the emotions of losing a loved one.

I know my postings probably will be hit and miss for awhile and that too will be part of my willingness to continue to be raw and real with you’ll.

As you spend your last day of 2020….please reflect on all your blessings don’t take for granted one moment with family, friends, community.

But don’t also beat yourself up over “what if’s”…..or “should of”……

Instead move through the emotions……feel them….release yourself….and be present in the healing process.

Your mind body soul spirit will thank you for it!

Many blessings and hugs dear ones!
Kelly 💜

Victorious Veteran’s

Every year our church celebrates Veteran’s day by asking those who have served to stand and be recognized and prayed over.

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August 1992 I stepped on to a plane to enter a season of life that I had no idea would bring me to my hubby.

For 2 months I completed more push-ups, sit ups, running, marching, and bunk drills than I can possibly count….or even keep track of.

I will admit there were times in the past that I never really thought about what it meant to have served in the military.  To me it was a means to the end.  I had grown up in a very small town.  There were so many factors but the point being is I saw the military as truly the best option for me to be the best version of myself.

While I was in the Navy there were days I really hated it.  I wondered what was I thinking.  It was also a time in my life when I continued to received more sexual harassment than I care to count.  BUT…..there truly were amazing blessings that took place.

First, I met my husband.   Because of him I was able to vocalize my wounds, my rape, my abuses, and so much more.

When I met my husband I felt safe.  I finally felt like I could truly be 100% myself.

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Boot camp alone was healing.  It had been that summer that the penetration rape had taken place.  For me boot camp was about “beating” the emotions out of me.  Or better yet stuffing it all in and becoming as tough as I could possibly be, therefore “I could never be hurt again!”

What I really learned from my service in the military was another way to be an intentional disciple!

When you serve in the military it is NOT about you……IT’S ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!  You make sacrifices, you put your desires aside to do for others, you have days you really want to throw in the towel but you know others are depending on you so you stand up taller and dig deep to show up and be all you were made to be aka hopefully be the best version of yourself!

And most of all you truly learn what it means to do team work and to be a leader!!!

So today I am able to reflect on my military service with humbling pride.  I don’t reflect on it anymore as “ugh” or “oh yeah I did that….”  No today I reflect and am so very grateful for my years of service.  Years that formed my early adult years.  Years that taught me I was much stronger than I ever would have thought.  And years that introduced me to my amazing husband.

Today I am also reflecting on all the men and women who have made amazing sacrifices for their country.  Who have said yes to provide us the freedoms we sometimes don’t even thing about…..and no to so many of their own desires.

This week reflect on your own dreams….your own sacrifices…..your own ways you serve: your family, your community, your Lord!

Remember to pray, journal, tap, and oil up!!!

Many blessings….prayers….hugs…

Kelly 🙂

PS…..this month is super exciting to start a wellness journey or taking your empowerment to the next level! Check out the November Deals Tab above!

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As always when you’re open and ready to begin your own healing and hope journey with your whole health I would love to be your guide…your coach….your mentor.

You can find me on Facebook to private message me:

Kelly Frick: Connect

Or message or comment below here on this blog!

Or email:

kellyfrickconnect@gmail.com

You can also find me on:

Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn

I’m here to serve and bless you when you are ready!

 

Back on Track…

I’ve been so very aware of how beautiful and grown up my daughter is and looks recently.  I think it is because she is the age I was when I started dating and when I started to really make choices that mucky-ed the water between the moments that were true abuse and the moments that were choices because of the abuses.

Yet I have such peace because I know with my entire being that no matter what life throws at me or at her GOD IS BIGGER than it all.  So I truly don’t walk in fear anymore of anything!

I am able to truly experience the gift of JOY even in the midst of anything!

The next chapter of my book is the turning point of the story…..I MET MY AMAZING HUSBAND!  Oh there were still abuses that unfortunately took place for several more years….but now I had hope.  Hope that it would all end!

May this chapter provide healing and hope for you with your past abuses, traumas!

Many blessings and prayers always my dear one!!

Kelly 🙂

PS….before you read the next chapter…..are you ready to start? Start a journey of healing and hope?  There is some amazing deals I would love to share with you that will be ending on July 31st!  That is right around the corner…so reach out and lets connect so I can share with you all the amazing FREEBIES you WILL receive with oils and coaching for this month only!

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CHAPTER 9:  A LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DARKNESS

I was 18 when I met my husband.  We met shortly after I had completed boot camp.  I laugh to this day when I share the story of how upset I was with God for having introduced him to me so young.  I had plans.  I had my check off list of all I needed to do and accomplish before I was to meet the man I was to marry.  But really when I look back at it, I was hiding from the possibility of a true relationship.  I pretty much was at a place in life where I really wanted nothing more to do with men.  I had actually only started to have a glimpse during boot camp of sexual harassment and pressures, but enough to pretty much decide I really wanted NOTHING more to do with men.

So when I met my husband and I knew he was who God intended for me, I was scared!  Somewhere deep down my spirit knew it meant I was going to have to do some internal work and I wasn’t ready for it.   The work started even earlier than I could have imagined.   My darling husband and I connected with deep conversations pretty early on.  We felt free to talk and debate just about everything.  So it wasn’t too surprising to me when he asked me about my 1st sexual experience.   When I described it to him, he is the one who validated I had been raped. It was freeing to hear it out loud what I thought was true but there was so much confusion within me that I just didn’t know.  I had so much shame and hurt.

He was the beginning of ME feeling whole and feeling cherished and protected, but it came with baggage as well.  I felt I had to prove I wasn’t broken goods; that he wasn’t going to be saddled with someone who couldn’t be a wife in all manners.  So once again I allowed boundaries to be crossed.  Now since he was not raised the same way I was about faith and waiting for marriage to experience certain things crossing boundaries was not an issue for him.  He was the first man I said yes to.  I knowingly crossed the line before marriage. And it created yet another layer of shame and fear.

Even though I had met my husband at 18 it didn’t mean I was all of a sudden free from abuse and pain.  Between the ages of 18-22 I experienced probably some of the most overt of sexual harassments, looks, and comments.  The unwritten rule in the military, at least what I was taught as a woman by other women, was to not create issues or ripples unless you were truly raped, touched, or groped you were to take it  and deal with it.  Yes they had sexual harassment policies put into place but it truly felt like a he said/she said type of situation.   So even though these were some of my worst years of experiencing sexual harassment they were also my best years because I had my husband.  No I didn’t share with him all I dealt with, mostly because I didn’t fully understand the extent of it.  By this point in my life I was so numbed to this type of treatment I usually brushed it off.  Or so I thought I was brushing it off.

Has your past experiences left you feeling fearful, hopeless, and rigid?

Let’s take a look at the blend of: Peppermint, Lemon, Orange

Peppermint:   When sexual harassment becomes something your body thinks is “normal” or can’t change, it can difficult to give into fear, to feel intense pain, to feel heavy hearted.  Peppermint reminds us we do have the strength to face emotional pain.  However we must not over use it to escape from the pain, we must process the emotions so we can open our hearts to optimism and hope.

Lemon: Joy is foreign to a person who has trauma to process.  It’s easy to get lost in despair and hopelessness when your body has been used and abused.  Lemon not only opens us up to feel joy again but creates a clarity to focus on the Light of our life experiences rather than the dark.

Wild Orange:  It can be easy to become rigid and lack a sense of humor after sexual harassment.  Walls can go up wondering if every joke, every hug, has a double or underlying meaning.  Wild Orange reminds us we can be playful, we can be spontaneous.  Not every hug or joke is tainted.

Diffuse these three oils together or create a roller bottle so you can place them on pulse points.  These are especially powerful oils to tap with.  They will encourage amazing emotional release through your prayer and tapping.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, open my heart to not view every experience as the potential of something bad….remind that when I am with my husband I can be free, I can enjoy myself, I can experience our intimate relationship without fear….AMEN!

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Find me on FacebookYouTubePinterestInstagram, and Twitter….let’s CONNECT!

Are you ready to start Hope &  Healing in your physical, mental, and spiritual Health journey?! I am here to bless and serve you!

Email me at kellyfrickconnect@gmail.com

Bossy Boys

It’s been soo weird going back through all of this junk to write this book!  Because this is the thing….I don’t hate nor dislike ANY of my abusers.  And actually I have them ALL on my prayer list.  I truly lift them all up in prayer and with love.  True love.

I’ll admit part of me has wanted to retreat in fear that I am going to make someone angry, be accused of hurtful things, etc…..but that is exactly what the enemy wants.  I have not ever included anyone’s names purposely.  Because this isn’t about them.  This is about my healing, my journey, and me helping YOU.

And really these men, boys, in my life were just as much a victim, a pawn.  They had their own wounds to heal from.  And we all have choices on how we heal or hide from our wounds, our sins, our hurts.

So I hold nothing but love in my heart for these boys.  I didn’t just arrive to this love….it took time…but I am so grateful for how free I feel today in knowing that my 20 years of all forms of sexual abuse DO NOT DEFINE ME and that I am able to truly see HOW BEAUTIFULLY WONDERFULLY MADE I AM!!

I pray this chapter (below) will create healing in your health journey, especially if there is any aspect of it that speaks to your heart!

Many blessings and prayers always,

Kelly 🙂

chapter 5

CHAPTER 5:

BOSSY BOYS

When I was 12 I had the opportunity to start earning a little bit of money busing tables.  It was a small town.  My mom was friends with the owner of the restaurant.  Add to it, it was the early 80’s who knows what the child labor laws were.  I grew up going to this restaurant all the time.  So it wasn’t a huge stretch me working there eventually.  My brother did odd jobs off and on for my parents in their business but I didn’t want to work for my parents.  I loved the hustle and bustle of the restaurant.  It again was a great place to observe people and listen to conversations.  I really admired the head waitress and wanted to work with her.  Now the owner had two boys who were friends with my brother.

These boys were truly wild.  They were mean and sweet all in the same breath.  I had fun hanging out with my brother and his friends most of the time.  I soon discovered that like my brother’s other friend, they too were exposed to porn.  But the porn they had access to was not only everywhere, their house, at the restaurant, in their dad’s truck, but it was pretty hard core stuff for in the 80’s.

Like I mentioned, these boys were intense.  When they could be really sweet but when they fought it was like nothing I had ever witnessed before.  I truly would get scared sometimes being around them.  Not wanting to ever be on their bad side.

Now I loved working there at the restaurant but it was also a home away from home for me.  I would hang out in the back room even when I didn’t have a shift.  There was always great snacks there and a tv room and privacy.  My parents printing business was sometimes too loud for me and this back room was a nice place to study, write, think and take naps.

The problem was sometimes when I took naps there I would be woken by someone touching me.  I would lay there frozen praying they would just stop and go away.  I knew it was one or both of the boys.  And having seen them fight before I would find myself wondering if I would be the target of them “beating” on me if I resisted.  But there was also another thing that held me back.  A sensation that confused me.  I didn’t understand it.  In hindsight I am able to understand we were made for desire and it is a natural physical response to want touch. The problem was their touches were not from God they were from their own abuse of being exposed to porn.  This went on for a while before I realized they weren’t going to stop, so I no longer had a safe escape in the back room.  This also created another layer of shame and ugliness I felt about myself.

I stayed working at that restaurant from the ages of 13-18.  I just never allowed myself to be in the back room ever again with the boys.  But my year’s waitressing just further exposed me to pats, grabs, lingering hands and innuendos while I poured refills of coffee to the “grumpy old men” club during the mid-morning or mid-afternoon.  They would do these things in the middle of me pouring when I was at my most vulnerable because I never wanted to spill, make a mess, or burn any of them.  This reinforced my unworthiness and shame.

Console, Marjoram, and Clove together will provide the comfort to unburden our pain so we can truly stand up for ourselves to trust ourselves to connect with others.

Console:  Sometimes we can feel anxious that an abuse will reoccur.  We aren’t able to find comfort. We need to grieve the loss of our innocence.  Console helps us unburden these pains.  To see our WHOLENESS through God’s eyes.

Cloves: This oil of Boundaries encourages us to let go of a victim mentality.  To stand up for ourselves.  To have the courage to say no.  It is especially helpful for breaking patterns of abuse.

Marjoram:  We were created for connection, community.  Trust is important to feel connected, to participate in life.  But when we have experienced an abuse, a trauma, that has shifted our heart and mind toward others, it is hard to truly feel connected.  Marjoram will open our hearts and soul to make the connection to trust, to heal.

Diffuse these three oils together or create a roller bottle so you can place them on pulse points.  These are especially powerful oils to tap with.  They will encourage amazing emotional release through your prayer and tapping.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I TRUST IN YOU! I don’t need to hold on to this pain, the anxious feelings that I will continue to be hurt.  I can be open to receive others love and still maintain healthy boundaries.  Boundaries doesn’t mean I am closed off from connecting to others as you designed us to.  Instead my boundaries are to ensure I am loved and treated as you desire us to be loved and treated.  I am beautifully and wonderfully made.  And I WILL NOT LET ANYONE TELL ME OTHERWISE, NOT EVEN MYSELF.  In your most holy name I break free from the burden of pain.  I am not a victim.  I do TRUST IN YOU.  Thank you….I love you….amen!

SWIMMING in SHAME & ANGER

Isn’t it interesting how when you are working on things…either you have greater revelations or the enemy tries to come down on you!  Anymore when I find myself procrastinating about something I know it’s the enemy not wanting truth out there.  And when I am wrestling with something it is because I feel God’s prompting but I am trying to do it my way…..lol….

This last week was full of amazing graces and gifts….I had some amazing aha moments about business, family, faith, healing….so much.

I was visiting with a dear friend just yesterday and today about how sometimes when a person doesn’t deal with their emotions on something it is because they don’t want to address the emotions because it means they will have to feel those emotions.  And when you think you have already gone through something you don’t want to go through it again.

I have found that in order for me to be truly transparent and authentic with my sharing about this healing and hope through my sexual past of abuses and choices I had to be willing to truly put myself back into that place.  To relive it.  And that’s not fun.

It’s especially not fun for my poor husband, because that means I will be struggling with wanting to be warm and receptive to him.  But…..because of God’s amazing love, Jesus’s amazing mercy, and the Holy Spirits guiding hand I am able to see and understand I don’t have to separate and distance myself.  I can feel all I need to in order to share the fullness with you and still feel all the amazing love I have for myself and my husband….and truly celebrate how far I have come on this journey!

So with that being said….here is the next chapter of this amazing journey of healing and hope :)….

My you be blessed beyond measure….and find amazing hope and healing in your own journey….

chapter 2 blend

Chapter 2:

SWIMMING WITH SHAME & ANGER:

Do you have moments in your life that are so clear to your mind’s eye?  Moments where the background stuff is fuzzy, blurry, but other details within the same moment are crystal clear, and even seem in slow motion.  That is this memory.

This memory has ALWAYS had those distortions.  And with those distortions the enemy used it to start twisting my feelings of self-worth.

I remember it was summer, I was eight years old, and there were about 6 of us girls.  I can see the house.  It was a friend who lived in town but on the outskirts of town because they had open fields around them.  Her aunt who was her same age lived right next door.  I remember thinking how super cool to have family right next door to you, to go to anytime. I also thought it was kind of neat that her aunt was her same age.  I remember the layout of the house as us girls walked through the house: the living room, through the kitchen, to the den to get to the back yard where the above ground swimming pool was at.

I don’t remember why we were all together that hot summer afternoon.  Was it after bible camp?  Were we all just together just because?  Who knows!?  I do remember this young girls older, teen brother, was home.  As all of us came running into the house giggling and excited that we were going to change to play in the pool, he was there.  I don’t remember why and how he was able to convince us girls we needed help with our bathing suits, but he did and this is where the memories become razor sharp in some areas, slow motion in others, and blurry in the distance.

I remember being in the den my back to this tall young man, the sister off to the front of me as she is grabbing her towel and stuff and giggling with her aunt who is dropping things and grabbing things.  The other 3 girls were already out in the backyard.  I look out to the side and I see laughter and brightness, but it feels so dark and cold in this room.  I remember his hands taking forever to tie the strap at my neck and how his hands just lingered on my neck and back.  I don’t remember if I also had a clasp but I do remember his hands going down my back almost to my waist.

I honestly do not know what or why within me knew it was wrong, that his touch wasn’t a touch of innocence or of helpfulness, but of lust, yet I knew it wasn’t an innocent touch.  Years later during a Splankna session with my dear friend Jennifer I was able to discover that this was probably when one of my first unholy vows that was made.

You might ask: how can an eight year old possible make an unholy vow? The unconscienced mind does many things to protect us.  What I do know is in that moment my innocence was stolen, it was forever altered.  My subconscious stored the fact that there are ways we are looked at and touched that are not holy; that can make us feel uncomfortable.  Ways that are full of lust and not love.  And that we have a choice of speaking up and speaking truth against the distortion, the wrong or we have a choice to remain silent, to shush the prickling gut sensation that is shouting THIS IS WRONG.

But I was eight!!!  And understanding fight, flight, and freeze wasn’t even remotely in my vocabulary of understanding yet.

So what unholy vow did I make?  What did I learn in my Splankna session many years later?

I learned I vowed that no one I loved would EVER feel this way, used and looked at as an object.  And when he slowly turned me around to adjust my straps and to make sure everything was snuggly in place I looked up at him and I saw pure anger and rage.  And that is when I took on his emotions of anger and rage, as well as the transfer emotions of my moms of shame and pain.

Remember we are all connected.  And within that moment all that my spirit and body already knew about my mom, but my brain did not, was absorbed thus my vow was sealed, and I didn’t even know it.

I remember clearly during that Splankna session the realization of having taken on my mom’s pain and shame; and the anger and disgust my spirit saw in that boy.  I was able to realize, as an adult, his anger and disgust was directed at me and himself.  His inner core was angry at robbing this young girl of her innocence and creating confusion for the satisfaction of his lust to just have a touch.

I also remember during that session how amazingly freeing it was to have the root revealed.  Free to release the emotions I had experienced and didn’t understand for so many years. The freedom to understand that I had taken on the emotions of others with my spirit and body.  I had believed the enemies lie that it was my burden to bare and if I NEVER wanted someone I loved to feel the same confusion, shame, pain, and anger I would keep my mouth shut.

This was the beginning of what would become 20 years of more exposures like this but so much worse.  I had no idea what my body and spirit was going to be going through over the course of 20 years, all I did know was: I wasn’t the same.  Yet, at 8 years old I knew something wasn’t right.

This was, also, probably the beginning of when I developed dysmorphia.  Dysmorphia is a brain disconnect of how we view and see ourselves in the mirror.  Dysmorphia is not just a girl wanting and wishing she looks different.  But a true disconnect in the brain from what is viewed in the mirror.  There are many triggers.  The 3 main ones are: 1. a trauma, usually sexual, that takes place at a young age, 2. A mother or female influence in your life that has a dislike/distorted view of their body, and 3. A chemical imbalance of specific hormones that don’t feed the brain the right messages.  I have all three of these triggers.  Which of the 3 came first I do not know, but I do know it is a continual blessing for me to look myself each day in the mirror and renounce the lie the enemy tries to throw out at me.  I have the honor to look myself in the mirror and see past the lies to the truth that God has planted there: I am enough!  I am beautifully wonderfully made.

This brings us to the oils that can support you during this journey of healing and hope.  If you have experienced a similar situation, whether at a young age, older, once, twice, over the course of years, you too need healing and hope through your sexual trauma.  Because this is trauma.  It is trauma to your entire senses.  It is trauma to know something isn’t right and yet feeling you have no control, no power, to do anything about it.

Oil Blend:  Grapefruit, Cilantro, Fennel

Grapefruit is the oil of honoring one’s body.  When a person who has been abused, especially a girl, her view of her body is forever distorted.  She doesn’t look at her body the same again.  It is distorted by the lens of the lust that was projected on her.  She starts judging her body and blaming it for betraying her.  Grapefruit comes in and encourages her to not be cruel to her body through extreme exercising, dieting, and distortions of the truth.

Cilantro is the oil of releasing control.  When we make unholy vows we are saying extremes like: NEVER, EVER, and that’s the window for the enemy to play, because I has us become obsessed or attached to patterns or toxic thinking.  We don’t release the trauma that has been buried deep into our mind, body, heart, soul.  Cilantro releases our mental strain to bring to the light our true self.  We are able to shed the trap of the lies the enemy has been whispering into our ears.

Fennel is the oil of responsibility.  Abuse and trauma is NEVER the fault of the victim, the receiver, but we do have responsibility of how it dictates our life.  We can become disconnected to our natural signals.  Weakened sense of self and a lack of passion for life.  Fennel reminds us to not go to food to numb the pain, or to go to extremes, such as, eating disorders to “disappear” because we want to hide in shame.

These oils are all great for internal (I only advocate internal use with doTERRA oils), topically, and aromatically.

INTERNALLY USE:

Each of these are great in water or culinary dishes.  A drop of Grapefruit and Fennel make a wonderful refreshing water.  A drop of Cilantro is great in guacamole or in a salad dressing.

TOPICAL USE:

Place one drop of each in your palm with some fractionated coconut oil.  Rub together cup your hands together, bring to your nose and inhale a deep breath.  Experience the scents together.  Feel them enter into your cells, your mind, and your spirit. Do this 3 times.  I always like putting the remainder of the oils on the bottom of my feet and on any body part I feel is holding onto negative emotions that day.  Usually I know this by what body part I feel drawn to rub the oils on.  Examples would be my adrenals, my heart, my thyroid and even my breasts.

AROMATIC USE:

In a diffuser use one drop of Cilantro, 5 of Grapefruit, 1-3 of Fennel.

One final thought before we end in prayer.  You can also use tapping (EFT) as a way to help release the emotions of the traumas.  Use tapping in mediation, in prayer, or even on the go.  It is a powerful tool God has given to us to support us on this healing journey of hope!

Let’s end this chapter with prayer:

Heavenly Father…every time someone in my past has looked at me or touched me in lust rather than love…..I release them from my pain, my hurt, my anger.  By releasing them I am opening myself up to greater healing….I am opening myself up to release the trauma that has been buried with in my very soul. Through opening myself up to forgiveness I am reconnecting myself to be passionate about life.  I am taking responsibility of NOT let this trauma, abuse, experience to dictate my take and love of life.

I continue to thank you Lord for being there always for me, for sending me your Son to remind me how beautifully wonderfully made I am.  And when I look into the mirror and only see the lies the enemy tries to sell me, I thank you for the Holy Spirit’s constant vigilance in encouraging me and revealing the truth to me.

I end this prayer with asking my guardian angel to be by my side, for Saint Michael to continue to protect me from the snares of the enemy, and for our most precious blessed Mother to wrap me in her mantle to make me invisible to the enemy.  In Jesus’ most precious body and blood I am strengthened and set free each and every day…..AMEN!

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Find me on FacebookYouTubePinterestInstagram, and Twitter….let’s CONNECT!

Are you ready to start Hope &  Healing in your physical, mental, and spiritual Health journey?!

When you start with me you’re not just receiving oils.  You receive personal care, coaching, support, private content and so much more!  

My website is mydoterra.com/kellyfrick

There are several great ways to start!  Let’s schedule a welcome call with you and get you some FREE welcome goodies mailed right away!

Want to know more?

Email me at kellyfrickconnect@gmail.com

 

“My God, My God…”

I had an “aha” moment as I was sitting down to write some more on my book!

Which by the way….I am sooo sorry I didn’t get a posting out last week!  Lots of amazing life taking place but unfortunately couldn’t sit still enough to share about it! But I will soon….I promise!

March 28 2018

So back to the book….

I was reflecting on my desires to share my story with each chapter.  Within each chapter I will share a wound of my sexual history: an abuse and/or a choice.  The chapter will then also have a bible scripture or saint quote to help anyone with that type of healing as well as an oils blend to support that area in your life….and heck mine!

Which as any writer knows….trying to figure out any order, flow, rhythm with writing….fluidity….well can be a challenge sometimes.  At least for me…..because I have to sometimes see the connections the strands of ideas in my head before I write them down.  There are many times I have written and rewritten things in my head before I even get them down on paper to start the process of 2-10 more edits!

Then it hit me…..that’s what I said this blogging this year was going to be for!  Right!?  I was going to just start spending my mornings writing my book and sharing the parts as they come here on this blog.  And it will all work itself out!

So why oh why have I still hesitated to get it out…..I’ve shared with you parts….pieces…..you all know my heart if you have read any of my blog posts.  So why!?

I think it being holy week is a perfect answer to my why.  Particularly Sunday’s Psalm….  “My God, My God why have you forsaken me!

Now let’s be clear…..I do not feel that way…..anymore!   I never actually felt that way through any of my sexual abuses, I actually felt it was me……my fault…..my flaw that attracted such use and abuse.  For others to see me as an object to be “toyed” with.

BUT…..there have been times as an adult as I have been going through this healing journey that I have had to get real and truly get angry.  Angry for the little girl in me who had her innocence robbed.  Anger and hurt that God didn’t just jump in….after all couldn’t he have?!

By me getting REAL with my emotions….my anger…..my fear….I was FINALLY having a TRUE relationship WITH MY MOST AMAZING GOD!  A God who HAS NOT ABANDONED ME.  A GOD who was right there beside me, holding me, weeping for me, knowing that each of these men were HIS creation just as I was.  They too were made in the image and likeness of Him…..yet they were NOT honoring the temple within them.  They were giving into sin.  They were listening to the whispers of the enemy.  Thus missing the mark of holiness.

Yet….all they need to do is repent and they too can be set free.  Which means I pray they have or do repent.  Because each of them deserve, just as much as I do, to see God in all His amazing glory and beauty up in heaven one day.  To be able to partake in the Feast of the Lamb!

But this is the kicker:  I do not rely on my peace and my healing and my hope to be in their repentance.  I released ALL of them years ago!  I pray for them regularly and have found amazing love in my heart for them.

So this holy week as we enter tomorrow into the Last Supper, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, then Resurrection Sunday (Easter)……

I ask you: What is your cry to the Lord!? 

Have you gotten REAL with Him, just as Jesus did on the cross!?

When you do….then you will TRULY have a relationship….communion….a connection that is profound!

Essential Drops of love, hugs, and prayers always,

Kelly 🙂

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Fear No More…

I’ve been reflecting on WHY have I been PROCRASTINATING about what I said I was going to do two weeks ago…..start having you all be my accountability partners with writing this book…..THAT IS GOING TO BE SUCH A BLESSING for me, for you, for soooo many!

And the realization is….resistance, fear, vulnerability…and so much more!

Sometimes we resist what God is asking of us because the enemy has whispered lies of fear in our heads…..lies like: if you allow yourself to be that transparent you will be vulnerable to hurt, shame, pain, and so much more!  But those are LIES.

Now  recognize it could be as simple as laziness on my part….but I do know last week was super busy for me with my daughters theater stuff….and spring break this week….so I am able to recognize it’s not laziness….and it’s not a matter of not having the time….it was resistance….it was fear….it was realizing, even though I have shared SOOO much about myself to you all and to others….actually putting it into an order and reflecting on it and realizing all the little things I hadn’t remembered until I started to really do this….well it was a lot for me to handle.

THEN….I realized…..I was trying to live in MY WILL…..MY POWER…..and it was GOD who said for me to do this…..SO I NEED TO PLACE THIS IN HIS POWER….HIS WILL….and it will unfold as HE wants it to happen….and the continued healing it will produce will be profound!

Thus with NO FURTHER RESISTANCE….FEAR….OR SHAME….I bring you the INTRODUCTION of my story….the story that will one day….soon….be in a book :)….

Essential Drops of love, hugs, and prayers always,

Kelly 🙂

Introduction

There are 3 profound moments in my life that stick out in my head that have contributed to the healing from my past sexual abuses and choices.

The first one was me driving back and forth to work each day for months listening to Christopher Wests, “Naked without Shame” book.  I had it on CD and I couldn’t get enough of what he was saying.  Even though there was so much of it that was truly beyond my comprehension because this was his very first teachings on theology of the body.  His first attempt to bring St. JPII teachings on how beautifully made we are and how our sexuality should be nurtured, respected, and loved, well it was lofty.  It wasn’t something very digestible.  Yet there was something within me that heard the truth.  There was something inside of me that felt all the shame, pain, hurt, and abuse melting away.  There was a freedom with these words and I wanted to know more.

The second profound moment would come over 10 years later.  A dear friend, Jennifer, asked me if for my Birthday gift she could give me a Splankna session.  She had been sharing with me about this for almost a year but I still didn’t fully grasp what it was.  I understood it had to do with dealing with healing, uncovering memories, etc.  But even after reading the book about it, I still wasn’t real clear on it.  I even had another friend, who is grounded in my faith of Catholicism help me to discern if it was something I should even do.  (More about Splankna in the end notes)  She was skeptical at first, which is what I was counting on, but after reading the book, she even said: it’s Christ centered, there is nothing I see wrong with it.  So I dived in and said yes to a session.

That first session of many many more to come unearthed a wound that I still had from the one time I did use my voice out loud and said NO to a sexual abuse situation and actually said something to others about it.  I really thought I had moved past that one. 

The second profound moment should really be broken into a two-fold because it was the session combined with essential oils that made me a believer.  After the session there were several oils that Jennifer recommended to help the healing process of that wound.  When I used those oils that day and throughout the rest of the week I had the most profound healing experience with the support of the oils in a way I had never felt before.

This is the thing, at that point I had been using essential oils for well over 5 years.  I knew their amazing physical support.  I had experimented with several different brands but I had NEVER experienced what I had experienced emotionally with an oil as I did with these oils.  That’s when I knew this brand (which ironically God had been planting a seed in me through this friend for about a year) was different.  It was truly truly going to provide the support I needed on this journey of healing: mind body soul spirit!

The third profound moment didn’t take nearly as long to experience, I believe it actually only took place about a year later when I attended a Healing the Whole person retreat with a totally different friend.  The second friend mentioned above, had attended this same retreat the year before and it had made such a profound impact on her and her life.  I personally thought I was going to learn more about the retreat and to be a vessel for others.  Oh wow my ignorance and even my silly pride of thinking God wasn’t going to show me exactly why I was there. 

When I first showed up to the retreat as we were checking in and being greeted by the retreat team I am staring straight at a very familiar face.  This was odd to me because I was attending this retreat NOT in the town I lived in at the time.  I was attending it miles and miles and miles away for the whole purpose to have anonymity.  I blog, I present, I do lots of things in the public, I am not afraid to share my life and story but I felt like I was supposed to be somewhere where no one knew me to have this weekend.  Well obviously God had other plans.

Then when I saw some of the other participants who were attending I was convinced I knew why I was supposed to be there.  I am sure at this point God was truly laughing at me.  But also surrounding me with ALL the angels and saints to hold me for the doozy I would feel and experience that weekend.

As the weekend unfolded I started to see clearly why I was there.  I started to see the pain, the anger, the hurt, but most of all the FEAR that the enemy had held me under for more years than I could count.  I had no idea I was so consumed by fear and all the names and colors fear was hiding and masquerading under until this beautiful soul sister, who I knew from my hometown, helped me see it clearly that weekend.

At the end of that weekend when Dr. Bob asked if anyone would like to come up to share any testimony about their experience I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me, I felt Jesus holding my hand, and I heard God say “Bring it to the Light”. 

Those three profound moments, events, gave me the courage to see, hear, feel, and speak the truth: That I had experienced sexual abuse over a span of about 20 years in one form or another.  And that I WAS BEAUTIFULLY WONDERFULLY MADE.  That my sexuality was to become un-distorted by my traumas.  That I had a right to stare the enemy in the eye and say: no more, you will not feed me anymore lies.

This book is about that journey.  I pray you will join me on this joyous journey.  Because trust me that is what it is.  I am not saying it won’t hurt from time to time, but the freedom to see the mark is too great of a delight to pass up.  To find freedom in your sexuality and heal is so profound that it’s worth some of the growing pains.  Because through that pain you find power.

I tried to figure out how I was to write this for so long.  Then God showed me clearly how to do this.  Each chapter will be dedicated to a specific experience or event that shaped and molded my distorted image of my sexuality.  Experiences that distorted my love for myself.  That distorted how God designed us to be. These will be the main ones that have impacted my self-worth in my head and heart.  It’s not all of them, I am sure, but they are truly the ones that I know layered the development of my distorted love of self and my sexuality.   Within each chapter I will share hope and healing.  I will include Saints, scriptures, and essential oils that can support that particular abuse situation.

Before we begin let’s understand the definition of sexual abuse.  How many of us think of all the horrific things only?  But did you know sexual abuse is: lude looks, sexual harassment, rape, pornography, exposure to sexual content at too early of an age, unwanted touches, unwanted sexual talk, and so much more.  If any of this has happened to you, you have experienced sexual abuse! 

Rest assured this book is not going to be about graphic descriptions of what took place.  It is about providing the right kind of details to create understanding of why any of us need to heal and feel whole from this sort of situation, trauma, and abuse. 

We were made for so much more than glossy prints, for others sexual lustful desires, and selfish acts of take.  A take that can be done physically, emotionally, mentally, and or spiritually.

Finally my greatest desire with this book is bring out the light of truth of what true sexual freedom is.  And to stomp out the lies the enemy whispers in our ears to keep us in the dark.  The lies of shame, the lies that we are dirty, the lies that our bodies are broken.  Be that light with me by using your voice to shout at the mountain top: I WAS MADE FOR MORE.  To shout in a building: I AM BEAUTIFULLY WONDERFULLY MADE.  And to shout while sitting: MY SEXUALITY IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

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Are you ready to start a whole Hope Healing Health journey?!

When you start with me you’re not just receiving oils.  You receive personal care, coaching, support, private content and so much more!  

My website is http://www.mydoterra.com/kellyfrick 

There are several great ways to start up!  I will schedule a welcome call with you and get you some welcome goodies mailed right away!

Want to know more?

Email me at kellyfrickconnect@gmail.com

Flashbacks {Memories}

Yesterday movers came in to load up our house.

Today we go through it one more time to clean to get on the road.

It had me thinking how as we transition we are also being transformed into the next stage of our life!  Each adventure we have is like an onion….a layer of living our life.

Which has me reflecting fondly in how much I have grown through this blog.  How much it has helped me heal from so many layers of pain, trauma, and wounds.  I have no idea how many lives I have touched or have helped with their journey of living an amazingly thriving life but I do know by being a voice for all of you it HAS TRANSFORMED ME!

Have you set out to do something for others and it has done something for you?  What layer of your onion has been the most healing!?

Sit with this….pray about it….journal about it…..share/connect with me about it!

Many hugs and prayers dear followers…family…friends…

~Kelly 🙂

http://www.mydoterra.com/kellyfrick

 

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