I’ve been so very aware of how beautiful and grown up my daughter is and looks recently. I think it is because she is the age I was when I started dating and when I started to really make choices that mucky-ed the water between the moments that were true abuse and the moments that were choices because of the abuses.
Yet I have such peace because I know with my entire being that no matter what life throws at me or at her GOD IS BIGGER than it all. So I truly don’t walk in fear anymore of anything!
I am able to truly experience the gift of JOY even in the midst of anything!
The next chapter of my book is the turning point of the story…..I MET MY AMAZING HUSBAND! Oh there were still abuses that unfortunately took place for several more years….but now I had hope. Hope that it would all end!
May this chapter provide healing and hope for you with your past abuses, traumas!
Many blessings and prayers always my dear one!!
PS….before you read the next chapter…..are you ready to start? Start a journey of healing and hope? There is some amazing deals I would love to share with you that will be ending on July 31st! That is right around the corner…so reach out and lets connect so I can share with you all the amazing FREEBIES you WILL receive with oils and coaching for this month only!
CHAPTER 9: A LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DARKNESS
I was 18 when I met my husband. We met shortly after I had completed boot camp. I laugh to this day when I share the story of how upset I was with God for having introduced him to me so young. I had plans. I had my check off list of all I needed to do and accomplish before I was to meet the man I was to marry. But really when I look back at it, I was hiding from the possibility of a true relationship. I pretty much was at a place in life where I really wanted nothing more to do with men. I had actually only started to have a glimpse during boot camp of sexual harassment and pressures, but enough to pretty much decide I really wanted NOTHING more to do with men.
So when I met my husband and I knew he was who God intended for me, I was scared! Somewhere deep down my spirit knew it meant I was going to have to do some internal work and I wasn’t ready for it. The work started even earlier than I could have imagined. My darling husband and I connected with deep conversations pretty early on. We felt free to talk and debate just about everything. So it wasn’t too surprising to me when he asked me about my 1st sexual experience. When I described it to him, he is the one who validated I had been raped. It was freeing to hear it out loud what I thought was true but there was so much confusion within me that I just didn’t know. I had so much shame and hurt.
He was the beginning of ME feeling whole and feeling cherished and protected, but it came with baggage as well. I felt I had to prove I wasn’t broken goods; that he wasn’t going to be saddled with someone who couldn’t be a wife in all manners. So once again I allowed boundaries to be crossed. Now since he was not raised the same way I was about faith and waiting for marriage to experience certain things crossing boundaries was not an issue for him. He was the first man I said yes to. I knowingly crossed the line before marriage. And it created yet another layer of shame and fear.
Even though I had met my husband at 18 it didn’t mean I was all of a sudden free from abuse and pain. Between the ages of 18-22 I experienced probably some of the most overt of sexual harassments, looks, and comments. The unwritten rule in the military, at least what I was taught as a woman by other women, was to not create issues or ripples unless you were truly raped, touched, or groped you were to take it and deal with it. Yes they had sexual harassment policies put into place but it truly felt like a he said/she said type of situation. So even though these were some of my worst years of experiencing sexual harassment they were also my best years because I had my husband. No I didn’t share with him all I dealt with, mostly because I didn’t fully understand the extent of it. By this point in my life I was so numbed to this type of treatment I usually brushed it off. Or so I thought I was brushing it off.
Has your past experiences left you feeling fearful, hopeless, and rigid?
Let’s take a look at the blend of: Peppermint, Lemon, Orange
Peppermint: When sexual harassment becomes something your body thinks is “normal” or can’t change, it can difficult to give into fear, to feel intense pain, to feel heavy hearted. Peppermint reminds us we do have the strength to face emotional pain. However we must not over use it to escape from the pain, we must process the emotions so we can open our hearts to optimism and hope.
Lemon: Joy is foreign to a person who has trauma to process. It’s easy to get lost in despair and hopelessness when your body has been used and abused. Lemon not only opens us up to feel joy again but creates a clarity to focus on the Light of our life experiences rather than the dark.
Wild Orange: It can be easy to become rigid and lack a sense of humor after sexual harassment. Walls can go up wondering if every joke, every hug, has a double or underlying meaning. Wild Orange reminds us we can be playful, we can be spontaneous. Not every hug or joke is tainted.
Diffuse these three oils together or create a roller bottle so you can place them on pulse points. These are especially powerful oils to tap with. They will encourage amazing emotional release through your prayer and tapping.
Heavenly Father, open my heart to not view every experience as the potential of something bad….remind that when I am with my husband I can be free, I can enjoy myself, I can experience our intimate relationship without fear….AMEN!
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