Mothers and Daughters: Compassion or Competition

As I entered into my teens years there was this tug-of-war with my mom.  I feel it was a competition of some sort.

A competition for:
YOUTH
VITALITY
WHAT IF

This may sound strange but I have reflected and watched other moms and daughters. Whether real life, television shows, movies, etc….and they all seem to portray this sort of “competition” in some way or another.  The mom trying to wear clothes her daughter would wear….to be “cool”, to “fit in”…..instead of just being herself.

but I believe the biggest competition I have witnessed is the physical.  I think a mom starts to see her mortality and her “flaws” as her daughter is coming into herself, her womanhood.  An older woman sees the legs of her daughter and wishes hers were firm and lean. She sees the perkiness of her daughters chest and compares the sagging, stretch marked breasts as flawed.  She sees her daughters face with no lines and becomes envious.

Thus the wedge is placed between them.

DEAR MOMS DON’T DO THAT!!!

I am so grateful God purposed in my heart from the moment my daughter was in my womb to not only nurture the seed of self love but to nurture within myself to ALWAYS be myself with my darling daughter.

NO COMPETITION….NO STRIFE….

ONLY FRIENDSHIP…ONLY TRUE GODLY MENTORING TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP.

Therefore as I watch my beautiful daughter turn 13 this month and visually see the stunning beauty she has become physically, I truly see how beautiful her heart is as well.  I feel honor to be her mom.  I don’t sit and compare  And with a dysmorphic brain it could become an easy thing to obsess about.  But I don’t!  I truly smile and value, honor, the differences.  I see the unique beauty we each have and cherish how we compliment each other.  I cherish our moments together.  I cherish how she teaches me things as much as I teach her things.

I know the difference between our legs is years of strength training on my part.  I respect that when I have a day where my legs are retaining fluid, exhausted, feeling “heavy” because of the Hoshimoto’s-Hypothyroidism, I am still proud of all my legs have been able to accomplish for me during that day!

Rather than looking at my daughters legs with resentment I look at them with hope and desire that she doesn’t take them for granted.

I know the difference in my face and her face is years of laughter, sorrows, experiences, strength, and hopefully wisdom!

When I look at her face….I pray she too one day will have a face that expresses all
the love and laughter of life that I have experienced.

So….moms….honor your daughters budding body instead of comparing and creating a wedge.  There is enough hormonal gunk to try to wade through that we don’t need to add our own mental clutter to the mess.  This time should be a marvelous time to grow and learn together.  These are the days to create bonds that will last for a lifetime.

We have a choice for our daughters future relationship with us.  One where they look forward to coming home whenever they can as an adult…..OR…..one where they feel obligation to come out of politeness but no desire.

WHICH DO YOU DESIRE!?

Take a moment today to reflect on your relationship with your daughter…..with your mother….write about it….pray about it….see where the SPIRIT takes you with it!

Many blessings and hugs this amazing day dear readers….family….friends…..
~Kelly

Dynamic Daughters: Understanding Dysmorphic Disorder

Dys-what?

Okay so here is a summary of all I have learned….and I am going to highlight specific aspects and explain why….but if you want to understand this disorder even more there are lots of great resources out there.  And I will give you the the whole MIND, BODY, SOUL….connects at the end of this post.  But for now…..

Dysmorphic Disorder:

(follow the above link to get the full details….but below is a summary)

A type of chronic mental illness.  The individual has a perceived flaw that is either minor or totally imagined.  The point is they obsess over it.  They obsess over appearance and body image for hours a day.  This obsession impacts daily decisions.  There is never a satisfaction with their body.  They seek procedures: minor or major, to “fix” these flaws.  They may lean on excessive exercise.

Just some of the symptoms…

preoccupied by appearance
extreme self-consciousness
frequent examination of self in mirror or avoid mirrors
believe others notice you in a negative way
avoid social situations
excessive grooming
compares self to others
don’t want to be in pictures
obsess over specific body parts: face, hair, skin, breasts, muscles…etc

Causes:
Brain differences (structure or neuro-chemistry)
Genes – more common in a person who has a family member who has this condition.
Environment – life experiences, culture

Risk Factors:
This is just a short, very slimmed down explanation….
Some of the factors that increase risk of developing or triggering condition include:

relatives with disorder
life experiences: childhood teasing, trauma
personality traits
societal pressures or expectations
having another mental disorder such as anxiety or depression.

***Dysmorphia usually starts in adolescents and it affects men and women.

Why does this all matter to me?

I see more and more young women being bombarded by social media’s imagery of what a woman “looks like”….and how we “should” look like!

Even though we KNOW that there is airbrushing involved…there is some extreme things that are done…..and that the magazines, movies, shows, commercials….represent a very small percentage of the population….we are talking like less than 10%.

I recently read/heard that genetically speaking…there is only 1% of women who come by thigh gap naturally….born with it.

YET WE ARE OBSESSED WITH IT….all others who obtain in….do it at great costs…..

And further it is destroying the self-esteem and self-image in our young girls!

Which brings me back to Dysmorphic Disorder!

It is real…it has ranges, just like many other mental disorders.  Just like a person who may manage many other mental disorders, or a person who compensates with other mental “handicaps” of sorts….

Thus a person can have more severe cases than others….some may not have bouts come on all the time or infrequent.  Yet it is always there in the background.  It is how a young girl nurtures herself, and manages her daily stresses, daily influences that will make all the difference in my opinion.

Things that can help a young lady is to be in tuned with herself and admit when she needs help.

She needs to ask herself: how can I help myself?  Do I need to seek treatment? Or is this something I can manage with the help of a great confidant or support system?

Lifestyle/home remedies that can help:

Taking supplements/herbs that support the serotonin levels.
Learn more about the condition.
Pay attention to warning signs.
Avoid situations, even people that my trigger bad self talk.
Avoid: food, alcohol, drugs….substances that are going not support a nurturing mindset.
BE ACTIVE.  Yoga, walks, sprints, HIIT….are all great ways to keep the mind clear.

Other ways to support yourself/cope:

Write in a journal.
Don’t isolate yourself.
Stay healthy.
Read self-help books.
Join support groups.
Stay focused on goals.
Learn relaxation/stress management.
Don’t make important decisions when feeling despair/distress.

Prevention may not be possible but identifying if you are at risk and learning to truly love yourself early on can help.

Here are some great articles/self help/resources…
 to love self better:

Seriously, Let’s End the War with our Bodies

Understanding Body Types: How our Genes are a factor

A strong/amazing Woman not caring what Society Says she should LOOK LIKE

Remember…
ARMOR YOUR DYNAMIC DAUGHTER WITH FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE….TO FEED HER MIND, BODY, AND SOUL….TO BECOME THE WONDERFUL WARRIOR WOMAN….SHE IS DESTINED TO BE!

hugs, prayers, and lots of blessings,
~Kelly 😉

Day 15: Keep it Simple on Sunday!

I am going to keep it short and sweet for today because it is SUNDAY!!!

I want you to reflect and think about how has your MIND BODY SOUL challenge been going?

Have you had the chance to really reflect and pray about how you feel about yourself when you eat, exercise, are busy, through work, motherhood, wife….even when you are at church?!

How do all of these aspects of your life impact how you care for yourself…love yourself…all of you!?

I mentioned a few days ago about 40 being a game changer….but it is really more than that.  It is about me also being at a great place in my life.

I will one of these days actually write which books
I take pictures of….
Then I can share it with all of you…
And give credit to the wonderful authors who inspired me!

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!
I LOVE MY CURVES…
I LOVE MY LEGS…
I LOVE MY CHALLENGES…
I LOVE MY GOALS…
I LOVE MY FAMILY…
I LOVE MY DESIRE TO LEARN…
I LOVE BEING DIFFERENT…
I LOVE BEING SHORT…
I LOVE TEACHING MY DAUGHTER…
I LOVE BEING A WIFE TO MY HUSBAND…
I LOVE COOKING…
I LOVE BIO-HACKING…

I LOVE THAT WE ARE NOT CARBON COPIES OF EACH OTHER!

I LOVE THAT I AM SURROUNDED BY AMAZING FRIENDS WHO HELP ME FEEL CHALLENGED AND GROW IN LIFE….

I LOVE ME!!!!

Now it is your turn…write ALL the wonderful things about yourself without buts….without anything but LOVE for self!!!

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