CHAPTER 12: NAKED WITHOUT SHAME

Several months back I was able to finally attend a workshop…kind of like a day retreat…presentation by CHRISTOPHER WEST!!!

I truly felt like a school girl getting to meet her high school crush.  I have been an avid student of his information for over 15 years now!  He has shared the teachings of St. JPII in so many ways….to reach all all seasons of life….that he truly astounds me in his gifting.

After the day was over my hubby asked if I wanted to wait in the line to get a book signed.  Part of me wanted to but part of me felt great peace in knowing our paths would cross again.

It was because of his bringing to light the teachings of TOB (Theology of the Body) from St. JPII that I am able to bring you the next chapter of my healing journey!!

May this chapter bring you Hope and Healing on your Health Journey…..and to remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

My hugs and prayers always,

Kelly

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CHAPTER 12: NAKED WITHOUT SHAME

Shortly after speaking up for myself I had changed jobs.  It was spring of 2002.  I was commuting about 30 minutes each day to work.  I decided I would finally start listening to an audio book that had been sitting on my shelf for almost a year: “A Crash Course in the Theology of the Body: Naked Without Shame” by Christopher West.  This book utterly changed my life.

It planted a seed of within me of KNOWING I was more than my body.  I WAS beautifully, wonderfully made, AND that our sexuality should not be a source of shame and pain.

I remember as I drove back and forth to work, how I truly did not fully comprehend what he was saying.  But  there was something so internal within me that felt such peace, such freedom.  I felt a part of my pain and shame willing to break free.  I felt part of me beginning the healing process that I had no idea needed to take place.

I knew there was something amazing in these teachings.  Christopher West was taking the teachings of (now Saint) Pope John Paul II had been sharing with the world for many years during his Wednesday Audience addresses.

There were two seeds that this book planted during my drive back and forth to work for many weeks.

Seed one:  I can love my husband and enjoy our union without shame.  That we TRULY were made for more than our physical form….our physical gratification of give and take.

Seed two:  When we have children this must be the foundation of our children’s upbringing.

At the time I honestly did not pay attention to the details of who was the pope who had delivered this information that Christopher West was bringing light to all of us to know and learn from.

But I don’t find it coincidental that it was the same Pope we would be experiencing that year at the World Youth Day in Canada.

What I especially don’t find coincidental was how my husband and I had been learning more about our faith and fertility because of our own challenges with trying to conceive.  We were able to finally see the wisdom of the Church of being aware of our fertility thus including God in ALL aspects of our life, including the bedroom.

I became so passionate about understanding our fertility and how God had wisely empowered us to understand our cycles, to monitor our cycles, to respect our cycles and our union as husband and wife, I became a fertility practitioner for a short period of time.

This was all God’s amazing plan in opening my eyes to my hurt and pain of my past traumas and choices.  This was God’s way of beginning my healing in a way that I couldn’t have even imagined.

Do you find yourself questioning: what is our sexuality all about anyways?  Why is it so confusing?  Why do I feel so much shame?

Let’s take a look at the blend of: Douglas Fir, Marjoram, Forgive

Douglas Fir:  We just recently used this oil with addressing dysmorphia.  Now it is time to have this powerful oil help support us with the generational healing of how our Sexuality has become distorted.  Remember, Douglas Fir is about generational wisdom.  When we have knowledge we can learn from the past.  We can break free from the destructive traditions and behaviors of our families past.  We can bring new life and new growth and healing into our own life as well as to those in our future.

Marjoram:  Healing isn’t an easy task.  It means we have to let others in, trust others, connect!  Deep down we desire to connect with others…to let others in, but it means we have to let our barriers down.  Because deep down we desire intimate connections.  We don’t want to sabotage our relationships.  Marjoram softens our heart to allow trust to take place, to not be overly protective.

Forgive:  Here we are introducing our first blended oil, meaning it has several oils in this one.  This blend is about renewing.  We must desire to not only forgive those who have done us wrong but to forgive ourselves in all aspects of life choices.  When trauma especially has taken place it can be difficult to not view life with a cynical view.  When we are bold and brave to forgive we are able to break free from anger, bitter, judgement, resentment, and blaming.  We are able to truly open ourselves up to not fear love.  To not fear anything life has in store for us.

Diffuse these three oils together or create a roller bottle so you can place them on pulse points.  These are especially powerful oils to tap with.  They will encourage amazing emotional release through your prayer and tapping.

Prayer:

Oh Heavenly Father….I am ready to break down the barriers of pain, shame, judgement, bitterness, and all those emotions that hold me back from true freedom…true living….I know I must let go of the past….to not let the past behaviors of mine and of others to dictate my happiness and wiliness to connect with others….especially those whom I love and want to experience the fullness of their love….by your grace I know I can overcome these barriers and find the freedom to forgive…..and Lord if there is any part of me angry with you, please open my eyes to it….and help me to restore my faith and love with you…..because I KNOW I NEED YOU…..AMEN.

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Are you ready to start Hope &  Healing in your physical, mental, and spiritual Health journey?! I am here to bless and serve you!

Email me at kellyfrickconnect@gmail.com

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Forgiveness {love}

There was a time in my past when I made a choice to allow words….hurt feelings…..to come between me and God!

How?

Because of how I internalized a conversation and allowed the negative lies to spin I chose to drink many many glasses of wine throughout the day.  Even knowing it would effect my health….even knowing it would prevent me from getting to Mass!

Now I could have stayed in that pain….those lies…and beat myself up even more with shame….and more lies from the Enemy….instead I picked myself up.  I turned to my amazing loving FATHER and asked for forgiveness….which I knew He already gave me….and I forgave myself.  That was the biggie!

In the past I would have taken it to confession but would have still beat myself up over it.  Well that is allowing the enemy to win.  He wants us to forget that our heavenly FATHER forgives us…..loves us….has open arms for us.  You see when we stay stuck in our own shame, hurt, pain….then we repeat the action, the sin, the negative…..and we create more shame…more hurt….more pain….and then we believe the lie that we are not redeemable!  AND WE ARE!!!

Next time you find yourself beating yourself up over:  too much spending, overeating, missing church, too much drinking…..STOP…..give it directly to GOD…..confess to it…..be honest out loud to yourself and to God……and CONNECT to HIS AMAZING LOVE AND GRACE!!!

Sit…pray…write…oil up…tap it away…

Many blessings and hugs dear beloved ones…

~Kelly 🙂

http://www.mydoterra.com/kellyfrick

Dear Self…

Thank you for remembering GOD…heaven…sainthood is my true goal!
Thank you for loving this amazing life GOD has gifted to you!
Thank you for continually leaning on GOD to learn…laugh…live…love!

Please forgive me for all the times I did not love your properly.
Please forgive me for all the times I have criticized you for not being enough.
Please forgive me for all the times I have compared you to another.

I love your amazing mind…you willingness to always learn and grow in life.
I love your your unwavering faith….your willingness to love as God has asked of you.
I love your true whole real love of self….your willingness to look into the mirror and see what GOD sees…to not let the enemy whisper lies into your ears or distort what you see.  

Remember you are where you are because you continually know how important it is to abandon your will to HIS WILL.
Remember you have strengthened your armor to the level it is because you ASK HIM for the tools each day.
Remember your whole true health: mind, body, soul is through the power of Jesus….the love of God…and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Have a glorious day full of faith, hope, and love….sprinkled heavily with compassion, forgiveness, and mercy!

My love and prayers to you always full of lots of hugs…
~Kelly 🙂

PS…Dear Readers….When was the last time you showed a little love and mercy to yourself!?

Love Forgiveness on Friday

Yesterday was a full day for me, yet beautiful.  I met a wonderful woman who is just an amazing ripple for God. 

But…..my day wasn’t done.  There was a package waiting for me at my door step. A package from a department store that I knew I had not ordered from.  My gut said this can not be good.  I went on line to verify my intuition.   Sure enough this delivery had been charge on this particular account.   I didn’t make this purchase!  Therefore I had to spend the next 3 plus hours working with this stores identity fraud department and with my own bank.  Coming to the conclusion that hopefully, more than likely it was only that account, but the possibility my computer has also been hacked.  Therefore today’s posting is brought to you via my phone!  
So this may be short…lol….cause typing this way is entertaining!  And I have no idea how long and when I’m going to know if my computer is safe to use.  
What are the thoughts that kept running through my mind…besides I don’t have time for this and I’m too tired for this….is FORGIVE!
I forgive whoever did this.  I forgive whoever sought out to  my get my information for whatever intention.  
It had me further reflecting on how often does God possibly feel the same with us?  How often do we steal from Him?
Everytime we don’t give freely, openly, mercifully with our time, talent, and treasure aren’t we stealing from God?
When we hold back giving our full tithe in the basket aren’t we stealing from God?
When we hurry past a homeless person or a struggling mom, aren’t we stealing our time from God?
When we choose a higher paying job or career over a job or situation that highlights our talents, aren’t we stealing from God? And those around us who don’t have the opportunity to experience that gift?!
Every time we are faced with a decision to choose a selfish desire or pursuit rather than Gods path aren’t we stealing?
Forgive us Lord from stealing from you.  Forgive us for continually trying to force our will onto life rather than flourishing in your will.  You know so much better than us.  Teach us to be better at not stealing from others but especially to not steal from you!
Do you have someone you need to forgive today?  What about your own self?  Take a moment to reflect and ponder how you too can stop stealing from your own life!  
Hugs and blessings in this beautiful day!
~Kelly
…TODAY’S….
BOOK:   Still in The Hormone Reset!!
MOVEMENT: yoga!  I know I need it to relax, revitalize and breath through all of this!!! Lol.  
NUTRITION:  Leptin hormone.  When this hormone is not running right we don’t receive the signal we are full.  It also plays a huge role in inflammation!  Check out all the quick picks from the book I have included with today’s post. 
TASTY TIP: I made this fabulous salad the other week.  It was popping with flavor and amazing!  
1/2 head of cabbage
2 cups of cooled cooked green beans 
1 bunch of cilantro
2 cut up grapefruit
Salt
1/4 cup Apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup olive oil
Toss…chill…savor!!!
 

WALK THE WALK FOLLOW UP!

I had every intention to just write out my Spartan goals and plans to share with everyone who would like to join me in this challenge.  Whether you join me physically or would just like to follow my plan to become Spartan ready.  BUT…

Today, as I walked for Life…for Love…for my faith…my family…it allowed me to reflect on many things.  One of the thoughts was definately about how our fitness, our health, is and should be so intwined with our faith.  Heck it had me reflecting on how I would love to do “The Way” walk….talk about a challenge!

As I was reflecting and praying during Mass after communion, I became emotional, and then again as the details were being laid out for the walk I became emotional.  I knew why.  I knew it was because for me each and every January from now on will not just be because I am standing up and giving a voice for all the unborn, the unknown….but because I KNOW intimately one of those unborn.

Four years ago during a very cold January I discovered I was pregnant and couldn’t believe it.  The excitement, then the fear, then all the other emotions that came with it, were short lived because twelve weeks later there was no heart beat.  For me, every January the Walk for Life: Mass, walk, and rosary will be very personal.

Each year I have the opportunity to celebrate the beautiful life that had been growing inside of me.  I  have the opportunity to continue to heal and grow from that loss.  Each year I recieve the opportunity to peel away a different layer of the healing.

The first year the healing was just for the loss of who I would never hold.

The next year it was for the loss of never physically carrying a child in my womb again.

Last year was for the loss and of truly forgiving myself.   You see my heart had not been open to being pregnant.  Even though I had struggled for years to have our daughter.  And then to even try to concieve again.  But….I had become “use” to the fact that we would never be pregnant again.  Thus, when we had found out we were pregnant I was not at a place in my life  I felt I could handle it.  I wasn’t open to the beautiful life growing inside of me.  I felt shame, guilt, and terror for all that I was feeling.  After all, I have always made it loud and clear how pro-life I was and am.  Yet, here I was wanting my will to be imposed and not God’s when I was pregnant.   I struggled with the 12 weeks of trying to figure out what next….when I went into that 12 week appointment and there was no heart beat, I felt numb.  Then tremendous guilt.

Therefore this years tears were for healing and realization of having truly forgiven myself for feeling any responsibility of the miscarriage. Tears were shed in joy and a promise to only live in Gods will no matter the sacrifice.  Because His will is the only way to true Joy and Happiness.  And tears because I had truly forgiven myself and loved myself again.  Tears because I knew because of that pain, because of that shame, I would never ever take any single life for granted ever ever again.
Tears of true freedom.

We all can get set in our ways.  We all can have moments of going through the motions.  We all can be pushy with our will.  BUT….thank GOD for his grace, HIS mercy, HIS love….

Thus ironically how this may not make sense to some reading this….but I realized any challenge, bio-hack, personal goals (Mind, Body, and or Soul)…..MUST be only with God’s will in mind, not my schedule…my agenda….my obsessions….ONLY HIS.

It doesn’t matter if others may think I am weird or out there because HE knows my heart.  Only HE knows what I do, I do with HIM at the head and heart of it all!

I finally not only feel truly free of guilt and shame….I not only have forgiven myself….I not only love myself….I also do not compare…..I do not compare myself to others….I do not compare myself to myself of past…I KNOW I AM AN AMAZING BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO IS CONTINUALLY GROWING, CHANGING, LEARNING, EXPERIENCING…I feel tru freedom of the type of detachment that HE asks of us!!!

It is okay to have done something for many years and feel called into a different direction….it is okay to do something for a short period of time and realize it is not the right fit…it is okay to put things on hold to meet other needs…it is okay to want to have one physical goal one year and a different one the next…it is okay to learn something about nutrition one year and shift goals and focuses the next….it is okay to think I am going to teach my daughter one curriculum one year and totally bag it for a different one the next….and it is totally okay to love the skin that I am in because HE made me….and HE is counting on me to love me….so I can love HIM….so I can teach my daughter how to LOVE!!!

AND THAT IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR……

I am here to create a fabulous ripple of life and love for her….not by just my words but by my WALK!!!

I AM AND I WILL WALK THE WALK FOR HER!

I hope this helps even one person out there struggling with shame, guilt, confusion, lack of self-love.  It is for you I write and share this.  It is for you that I allow myself to be vulnerable and a book for all to read!

And it is because of HIS WILL that I find the courage to do all HE asks of me.

Blessings and hugs to all of you!
~Kelly 🙂

FAIRYTALES ON FRIDAY?!

OR…

FOR EVER AND EVER..AMEN!…ON FRIDAY!


Once upon a time a young lady lived in a land full of beautiful hills and amazing peace.  
She was in love; or so she believed.  She and this boy came from such different back grounds, different lifestyles, and different beliefs.  Yet, this did not stop her from loving him.  Wanting to please him, and be there for him.
She was heartbroken when he had to leave the peaceful land for a noisier place.  She vowed to visit him soon.  She kept to her promise.  She ventured to the noisy, darker land to see her love.  That is when things went very wrong.  Her love, during that visit, was abused.  Her trust was broken.  Her innocence was stolen.  She came home to the beauty of her land: confused, hurt, and deeply scarred.  Her land didn’t seem beautiful anymore.
She began to doubt simple truths in life.  She began to doubt even herself.  Her ability to understand dark from light, good from bad, right from wrong.  After all, she pondered, if she could allow such darkness to take over, surely she mustn’t be all that bright of a light.
You see, when darkness took place that fateful day, it wasn’t the obvious, insidious kind of evil we all know to stay away from.  IT was the kind that lures us.  The kind that slowly boils and you never realize it has taken hold of you until at the moment you see it and you are so confused.  
She knew and knows this young man was not evil; he did not intend evil, but he allowed his wants to overtake him and evil to influence his mind, to take what was not his.  To steal a gift that wasn’t his to take.  
Over the years the young woman has reflected and realized maybe, just maybe, (at least in her case, her situation) she wasn’t so clear.  Maybe just maybe her no wasn’t loud enough, wasn’t out loud, wasn’t strong, wasn’t there.  What if….
BUT…NONE OF THAT MATTERS….that is the true gift she has learned.  It truly doesn’t matter.  She may not be clear of the events of that day but it will not be her prison.  It will not be her darkness.  The past is the past and she will not let darkness cloud her love for life.  She knows in her heart, that boy, a man now, never intended to hurt her so deeply, to rip her spirit.  He was motivated by a selfish, fleshly want, and allowed himself to not be led by the Holy Spirit.  And she was motivated by pleasing and fear of rejection.
This young lady took years to unravel the web of darkness; to shed light on this darkness; to feel worthy of being loved.  In the midst of her unraveling and healing a rogue knight came into her life.  He was rough around the edges but she saw a glimmer of internal light he wasn’t even aware of.
He helped her melt away the confusion, the pain, the fear, the hurt, the darkness.  Yet, each year she still felt a cloud engulfing her during a particular time, a particular month, a particular day.
Then one year, on that dark memory of a day, she discovered an amethyst.  Some may find this an ordinary gem, but she knew this gem would shine brighter than any she had ever seen.  God presented this beautiful amazing gift to her to replace the dark cloud of those memories.  He wanted to erase that dark day, those feelings…with light, with a reminder that HE loves her!  That she is beautiful.  From evil and darkness, God CAN conquer!  Purity can arise, can outshine and replace the dark.
That is exactly what this beautiful amethyst did.  Each year that passed by, this precious gem grew, got brighter; the darkness became smaller and less important.
One Year, the amethyst turned colors to a glorious Ruby.  That Ruby lasted about 5 years. It was a deep, passionate reminder how Christ shed His blood for us because he LOVES US.  She IS worthy of love.  She IS amazing.
Then, one year that ruby turned into the most brilliant deep sapphire.  It radiated, glowed, sparkled and shone with such brilliance, there was no room for darkness to reside any more.
It created a space in the woman’s heart to realize she not only forgave that boy of past, but there was room for him in her heart to love him, to pray for him.  She prayed he was having as beautiful and blessed of a life as she was.  She truly loved him.  Loved him for, also, being a child of God.
That sapphire continues to shine even brighter each year.  That sapphire is a reminder of Mary’s purity, a reminder of Joseph’s silent strength, of Jesus’ pure sacrifice and undying love.  And a glorious reminder of God’s forever mercy and grace.
This story is truly a story of FAITH HOPE AND LOVE.
LOVE….I do love my life!!!
I adore my knight!  He surrounds me with security, trust, and peace!
My sapphire is the most amazing gem.  I can’t help but feel my breath get caught in my throat every time I look at her.
How and why God felt me worthy to be trusted with such a precious gift, I do not know, I do not question.  
I simply say:  THANK YOU, LORD….I LOVE YOU, LORD!
I love, laugh, and live with abundance of joy and light!
I know that shame lives in darkness.  Satan wants us to live in shame, fear, regret, guilt.
BUT…
CHRIST IS LIGHT!!!! 
We must choose to step away from the darkness into the light.  Because that light is so glorious, so warm, so inviting.  
THE LIGHT wants us to feel nothing but:
LOVE…
FORGIVENESS…
HOPE…
PEACE…

HIM!!!

Friday’s Forgiveness: Broken…Mirrors…Shattered…Image…

My miscarriage three years ago…

Was the beginning of God doing  amazing work on me as a woman.  He was peeling the next level of my onion to grow deeper and more in love with Him.

It hasn’t been easy. The road has been rough. I have learned much and have gained great amazing strength and even greater joy and love for it…that I can’t help but say…

I am able to see how the last three years He has worked in my life.  Having me heal through other past pains.  the biggest thing He taught me from this is to forgive.  Not just others and  situations, but… MYSELF.

I’ve talked and shared how we need to love ourselves but sometimes the reason we’re not loving ourselves is it because we haven’t forgiven ourselves for something.  There are times the forgiveness is legit but sometimes it is us being too hard on ourselves or holding ourselves to a standard or unrealistic expectation.  And sometimes it is because we have many things and messages telling us we are not worthy or not measuring up. These messages are all jumbled up in our minds and souls.

FORGIVENESS…it is beautiful.  FREEING….and painful!  It means I have to admit I am not perfect.

forgiveness to me means realizing it is not my fault I have experienced dark circumstances in my life.
forgiveness means it is not my fault I had a miscarriage.
forgiveness means it is not my fault I have had infertility issues and hormonal problems for over 20 years.
forgiveness means it is not my fault all my health and infertility issues lead me to my hysterectomy 2 years ago.
forgiveness means my lack of fertility or inability to bear any more children does not mean I am any less of a woman.
Forgiveness means I can realize I am still feminine.

Forgiveness means realizing if Christ sacrificed on the cross for me and my sins who am I to be so arrogant to not forgive myself.

Thus I reflect, repent, release.

It is interesting because I recently realized last summers obsession with running and challenging myself physically was probably related to my still mourning the loss of my fertility.  The feeling I am less of a woman because of the hysterectomy.

Thus by breaking down my body and pushing it to extremes was some sort of unconscious punishment and or avoidance of my feelings.

But now….and reflecting on this beautiful GOOD FRIDAY…

 I say:  GOODBYE to any and all unforgiveness!
And HELLO to my Redeemer and all the experiences and the growth I gain.

Why is all of this important!?

I firmly believe our feelings, femininity, fashion, and faith are all intertwined and the more we as women are able to acknowledge and grow in our faith….the more we are able to respect our femininity; which leads us to be aware of fashion/modesty.  Thus respecting and loving ourselves even more.

Forgiving ourselves allows us to remember we are a child of God.
we are valuable!
we are NOT an object to be oogled over.

Again I ask…
Why is all this important?  Even relevant or related?

Because the more we are willing to always grow…learn…love….the greater example we can be to our daughters….the women in our lives…the women who see us from afar!

I love the 2 most recent interviews I’ve listened to on some podcasts.  The host on one was giving great advice and mentioned how he shares what he does not just for the listeners to learn but for himself.  Because life is continual learning.  That just because we may know something doesn’t mean we don’t still fall victim to some of what we may struggle with from time to time.

And in another interview this woman gives some great advice about loving oneself for who we are right now.  And how she even still struggles with it from time to time especially when she puts stresses on herself.

Thus that sums up my glorious journey  (most recently anyways!)

When I lost Sam 3 years ago something got broken inside of me.
I didn’t give up on God.
I didn’t stop loving Him.
I didn’t blame Him.
Instead I transfered all that to myself.

The previous year I had learned new amazing things about my health and was feeling my best through whole food eating.  And years before that I had learned to love myself no matter what!   My mental state of mind was in excellent shape! Thus when my physical health became even better it was just icing on the cake to me.

Then I lose Sam.  I felt like the last 18 years of spiritual, mental, and physical growth in confidence, in love was shattered.
I blamed myself.
I felt unlovable.
And my self-worth felt shot.
I wanted to say the heck with all this hard work of having a healthy love of self: mind, body, and soul.

Instead, I found the last 3 years made me grow even more in love with God.

Year one was about my faith.  Truly finding joy in all circumstances.  Faith to grow with others and share my life in an open book way; a way I have never really been comfortable to do in the past.

Year two was about hope.  My hope to do right by God as the decision was made to have the hysterectomy.  Hope to not feel like a failure.  Hope to heal.

Year three was about LOVE.
Rediscovering a true and even deeper love of self through and for God. A deeper love for life. A deeper love for my God.

Love so full…
so encompassing…
so passionate…
so surrounding…
that it is intoxicating…
It is complete…
 it is…
 love: agape.

Ah….GOOD FRIDAY….today when I hear the Dela Rosa….when I walk up the aisle to kiss the cross, I will FEEL….I will know this is the kind of love Jesus was asking of from Peter when he questioned him three times.  This is a full kind of love…a full, encompassing kind of love!

I not only feel his forgiveness, I believe it, I live it!

I pray you, too, can walk to the cross with head held high, full of forgiveness and love for self.

After all:  THAT IS WHY WE HAVE TODAY!

DARKNESS BRINGS US LIGHT!

My love and prayers for each and everyone of you….known, unknown!

You are ALL beautiful, amazing creatures made in the likeness and image of HIM!

blessings,
~K 🙂

Daniel Fast: Day 12

1 DAY TIL CHRISTMAS!

Today we offer up this fast for…

For those who need forgiveness…to give and receive…

to feel the amazing power of this powerful act of truly…


LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD!

We Pray:

1 Lords Prayer
1 Hail Mary
1 Glory Be

Silently add any other intentions!

Spend about 5-10 minutes with the Lord!

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