Sugar and Sin

Growing up sugar was not allowed in our house…..it was not considered good for us….BUT my parents didn’t know the science of why it wasn’t good for us.  Instead it was just a huge NO-NO to think of if…eat it…etc….SOOOO my brother and I would sneak it.

This created a bad relationship with sugar…food….on top of it I witnessed my mom often “sneak eating”.  I thought of this when I read “MADE TO CRAVE” several years back. 

This has had me think even more about the GENERATIONAL HEALING.  I have purposed myself to make sure my daughter NEVER feels shamed or rewarded with food.  I don’t like that she LOVES sugar.  Especially with all I know and try to share with her….BUT I desire for her to never ever feel like she has to “closet eat”.  

I have come to realize that having grown up witnessing “sneaky” behavior…..and even feeling guilt for wanting something that was “forbidden”…..has created a “guilt” or even a “sneaky” feeling when I even eat VEGGIES when it’s not a “designated eating time!”……NOW THAT IS CRAZY!

I don’t usually feel that way…..but it has truly explained some of my past feelings….and I feel empowered to really work on this and to continue to grow in realizing how my healing for my physical health is truly connected to my spiritual health…..it all AMAZES ME…..and it is ALL SO AWESOME!

Those are my thought for today!

What is your relationship with food!?  Is there some nurturing that is not part of your nature but still needs to be “exercised” out of your system!?  Think….pray….reflect….journal about it!

Hugs and prayers always dear readers….family…friends….
~Kelly 🙂

Dynamic Daughters: Ascending into Greatness…Glory…Girl Power!

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, 
Creator of Heaven and earth; 
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord, 
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. 
He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead; 
He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
 I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. 
Amen.



The Apostle’s creed is one of the many prayers that reminds me how beautiful I am! Today we celebrate the Ascension  of Christ into Heaven.   As you have any struggles in your life lean on this amazing prayer to remind you that Christ did all He did for us so we too can ascend from the depths of our own sins, fears, weaknesses….and so much more!

Thus I wanted to follow up from last weeks posting about Dysmorphic Disorder.  I wanted to share with all of you why I am so passionate about it!

Dysmorphic Disorder is one of the many things that have molded me to be the WARRIOR WOMAN I am today!

Growing up I always knew my minds eye about my body wasn’t quite right but I trusted and had faith that what I “saw” was not true.   I trusted that God doesn’t make junk.  but….it hasn’t always been easy.   Even with a great faith and great trust and belief…I still would have moments. 

And still do from time to time…the difference is now being 41….the moments are so far and few in-between than what they were when I was 13…15…17….21….25….30….

How have I survived it? 

 I trust…I constantly  rely on my faith.  
 I constantly am digging into my faith and growth to make my armor that much stronger. 
So what does it feel like for a person with dysmorphic disorder?
This is what it always has felt like for me….like I mentioned in previous post every person who has this has a different degree.  I am blessed and fortunate to not have it so severe that it prevents me from wanting to live life to its fullest.   But it does have is beautifully blessed challenges.  
I have always chosen to see the blessing behind it rather than the burden.   I believe it is how I have grown stronger in my faith.  It is truly a huge reason why I committed to never ever speaking negatively about myself or even think negative thoughts about self with having a daughter. Especially with knowing it is something we can pass on.

Some of my youngest/earliest childhood experiences formed my disorder. (Read this post for earliest memory)…
Always being objectified has formed me to be who I am. And I am grateful for it because it has made me committed to teaching young girls to be strong…love themselves…to guard themselves…to learn about the true freedom of chastity and modestly….and the beautiful freedom we obtain when we learn theology of the body. 
What does dysmorphia look like for me:
Knowing that I am beautiful…I am healthy…yet having moments of not feeling just right. 
Moments come on even stronger when someone gives my body attention that I find especially objectifying rather than being looked as a daughter of Christ.  There is a difference between a chaste compliment and feeling like a porter steak.  
I remember when I was in the military not enjoying the attention my curves would attract.  I lived in an area that the curvier you were the better.   Women could truly feel comfortable in their own skin yet the attention made me want to have the least amount of curves possible.  
I actually never felt uncomfortable in my skin when I was really having problems with my hormones (my pcos) and I was at my heaviest.  When I looked in the mirror I saw a daughter of Christ.  But I also know that I had 7 solid years of strengthening my spiritual armor and living a true love of self for my beautiful little growing girl.  
Then I figured out some health stuff through a spiritual journey and lost 30-32 pounds.  I started to receive lots of attention for it that made me very uncomfortable.  Yet I still felt strong in my faith.  I still felt strong in my self worth and body image. 
Then I had my miscarriage. Between healing from that mentally physically, spiritually I started to throw myself into my passion of research and biohacking my health, nutritionally and physically. (More on biohacking in the future).  The problem  is as I got excited about each biohack and personal challenge the more I wasn’t guarding my self love as well.  I found myself starting to compare again and find value in the mirror and scale.  I pushed myself hard on my runs because it was a great mental and spiritual escape to heal from my loss. But it was also an easy way for me to unconsciously want to widdle away to nothing… to become that hanger for clothing.

As people would comment about how thin I was the more self conscious I became.  The more I wanted not be noticed.  After my hysterectomy I probably pushed myself my hardest  because after all if I couldn’t have any more children what did it matter what I looked like.  I became so lean that I could have been in some of those competitions Maddy Moon did and talks about….but it wasn’t what my body wanted to naturally be.  I may have looked “good”…but I wasn’t healthy…Mind, Body, or Soul!!!

The stresses of the last 5 years are what led me on my journey of adrenal fatigue and on this… journey of being even stronger mind body and soul than I ever have been in my life.  
When I started doing exercises body weight training to specifically start rebuilding my bone density and muscle growth/strength I would have moments of not liking what I was seeing.  After all I got use to an unrealistic 97 pounds for my body.  I was born to lift heavy.  I was born to be strong.  I was born to be me…I was born to love myself in all sizes all shapes…all seasons of life.

This is where GIRLS GONE STRONG has been amazing for me!  Reminding me how beautiful we all are.  Reminding me to walk the walk I talk!

So what does my dysmorphic look like for me today at 41?
I look in the mirror and smile!   I ignore whatever chemical imbalance is trying to lie to me…If a negative image is conjured from a past hurt or comment I say I forgive and pray the Lord’s Prayer with great compassion….
I think age and my spiritual life has given me a great gift to realize and know I am more than the sum on that scale or that distorted clown mirror that sometimes likes to rear its ugly head!   I am more!!!
With adrenal fatigue I have had to really learn how to nurture and love myself even more.  I have had to really tap into understanding that my mind body soul health is more important than looking as ripped as I possibly can.  That I am judging myself when no one else around me is.  It is truly in my head and I have let it go.  
As my beautiful daughter is budding into a young lady I am so grateful for God and His continual work on me.  

He shows me how to grow, learn, and heal.  

Therefore giving me the opportunity to be the best example to my daughter of what it means to be a wonderful warrior woman.  
ARMOR YOUR DYNAMIC DAUGHTER WITH FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE….TO FEED HER MIND, BODY, AND SOUL….TO BECOME THE WONDERFUL WARRIOR WOMAN….SHE IS DESTINED TO BE!

hugs, prayers, and lots of blessings,
~Kelly 😉

FAIRYTALES ON FRIDAY?!

OR…

FOR EVER AND EVER..AMEN!…ON FRIDAY!


Once upon a time a young lady lived in a land full of beautiful hills and amazing peace.  
She was in love; or so she believed.  She and this boy came from such different back grounds, different lifestyles, and different beliefs.  Yet, this did not stop her from loving him.  Wanting to please him, and be there for him.
She was heartbroken when he had to leave the peaceful land for a noisier place.  She vowed to visit him soon.  She kept to her promise.  She ventured to the noisy, darker land to see her love.  That is when things went very wrong.  Her love, during that visit, was abused.  Her trust was broken.  Her innocence was stolen.  She came home to the beauty of her land: confused, hurt, and deeply scarred.  Her land didn’t seem beautiful anymore.
She began to doubt simple truths in life.  She began to doubt even herself.  Her ability to understand dark from light, good from bad, right from wrong.  After all, she pondered, if she could allow such darkness to take over, surely she mustn’t be all that bright of a light.
You see, when darkness took place that fateful day, it wasn’t the obvious, insidious kind of evil we all know to stay away from.  IT was the kind that lures us.  The kind that slowly boils and you never realize it has taken hold of you until at the moment you see it and you are so confused.  
She knew and knows this young man was not evil; he did not intend evil, but he allowed his wants to overtake him and evil to influence his mind, to take what was not his.  To steal a gift that wasn’t his to take.  
Over the years the young woman has reflected and realized maybe, just maybe, (at least in her case, her situation) she wasn’t so clear.  Maybe just maybe her no wasn’t loud enough, wasn’t out loud, wasn’t strong, wasn’t there.  What if….
BUT…NONE OF THAT MATTERS….that is the true gift she has learned.  It truly doesn’t matter.  She may not be clear of the events of that day but it will not be her prison.  It will not be her darkness.  The past is the past and she will not let darkness cloud her love for life.  She knows in her heart, that boy, a man now, never intended to hurt her so deeply, to rip her spirit.  He was motivated by a selfish, fleshly want, and allowed himself to not be led by the Holy Spirit.  And she was motivated by pleasing and fear of rejection.
This young lady took years to unravel the web of darkness; to shed light on this darkness; to feel worthy of being loved.  In the midst of her unraveling and healing a rogue knight came into her life.  He was rough around the edges but she saw a glimmer of internal light he wasn’t even aware of.
He helped her melt away the confusion, the pain, the fear, the hurt, the darkness.  Yet, each year she still felt a cloud engulfing her during a particular time, a particular month, a particular day.
Then one year, on that dark memory of a day, she discovered an amethyst.  Some may find this an ordinary gem, but she knew this gem would shine brighter than any she had ever seen.  God presented this beautiful amazing gift to her to replace the dark cloud of those memories.  He wanted to erase that dark day, those feelings…with light, with a reminder that HE loves her!  That she is beautiful.  From evil and darkness, God CAN conquer!  Purity can arise, can outshine and replace the dark.
That is exactly what this beautiful amethyst did.  Each year that passed by, this precious gem grew, got brighter; the darkness became smaller and less important.
One Year, the amethyst turned colors to a glorious Ruby.  That Ruby lasted about 5 years. It was a deep, passionate reminder how Christ shed His blood for us because he LOVES US.  She IS worthy of love.  She IS amazing.
Then, one year that ruby turned into the most brilliant deep sapphire.  It radiated, glowed, sparkled and shone with such brilliance, there was no room for darkness to reside any more.
It created a space in the woman’s heart to realize she not only forgave that boy of past, but there was room for him in her heart to love him, to pray for him.  She prayed he was having as beautiful and blessed of a life as she was.  She truly loved him.  Loved him for, also, being a child of God.
That sapphire continues to shine even brighter each year.  That sapphire is a reminder of Mary’s purity, a reminder of Joseph’s silent strength, of Jesus’ pure sacrifice and undying love.  And a glorious reminder of God’s forever mercy and grace.
This story is truly a story of FAITH HOPE AND LOVE.
LOVE….I do love my life!!!
I adore my knight!  He surrounds me with security, trust, and peace!
My sapphire is the most amazing gem.  I can’t help but feel my breath get caught in my throat every time I look at her.
How and why God felt me worthy to be trusted with such a precious gift, I do not know, I do not question.  
I simply say:  THANK YOU, LORD….I LOVE YOU, LORD!
I love, laugh, and live with abundance of joy and light!
I know that shame lives in darkness.  Satan wants us to live in shame, fear, regret, guilt.
BUT…
CHRIST IS LIGHT!!!! 
We must choose to step away from the darkness into the light.  Because that light is so glorious, so warm, so inviting.  
THE LIGHT wants us to feel nothing but:
LOVE…
FORGIVENESS…
HOPE…
PEACE…

HIM!!!

FEELING IT on Friday!

    I was reflecting on my posting of loving ourselves RIGHT NOW!   It had me thinking about how many times do we put something on and we don’t like what we see?  Or we don’t like how we feel?
My solution:  GET RID OF IT!
    Why should we keep things in our closet that doesn’t  absolutely encourage us to love ourselves.
In the past I would keep something in my closet that I would say:
“Well maybe if I had this to go with it….”
    Or I would put on a pair of jeans that I just wasn’t feeling it that particular day!  Which is absolutely ridiculous because another pair in my closet would feel just wonderful….
    Which got me to thinking:  why keep anything in my closet that doesn’t just encourage me to love the beautiful woman GOD has made me to be?  Why not focus on what lends to my mind, my spirit of feeling fantastic!
    Therefore, I have learned over the years,  I only keep in my closet things that give me JOY….clothing that will speak to who I really am!   
Clothing that says:
1.  I will respect this temple.
2.  I will walk with my head high because I am beautiful.
3.  I will not be ashamed of this outfit.
*** I will not waste my time with clothing in my closet that does not speak to me!  
I will not wear something that doesn’t shout:  I LOVE LIFE!  
How is this related to my faith….my femininity?
It means I am being authentic! 
I am honoring God!
And I am being that walking example to my beautiful warrior, that God is guiding me to mold, in my dynamic daughter!
Take home challenge:  Go to your closet right now.  Pull out 10 items that you always shake your head at or think negative things about yourself when you put it on or think about!  PULL THEM NOW! Bag them up.  Tie that bag with a knot!  Stick it into your trunk!  And take it to the consignment shop, donation spot, a friend…somewhere….anywhere….but do not keep them in your house a moment longer!
Be beautiful…
Be bold…
Be…
Would love to hear or see what you pulled from your closet.  Leave a comment below or email me a line!
Many blessings always,
~K 🙂

FRUMPY ON FRIDAY? OR WALKING AROUND NAKED!



Awhile back I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts.  One of the topics was on self-image.  It seems to be a topic that has actually been covered on many of my favorite podcasts recently!
It was mentioned how in the past, going to the gym, meant in baggy sweats and a t-shirt.  The purpose was to sweat not to look fashionable.
The dawn of great engineering to make materials lightweight, breathable, and keep the sweat away from our skin has been wonderful but it has a price.  the material is tight, form fitting, and leaves nothing to the imagination.
     
 This has me pondering…could our attire be contributing to a lack of self-worth?  Self image issues? Lack of respect for our own beauty?  Our incessant need to compare ourselves?
    I have always been pretty modest.   For as long as I can remember, I have never really liked summer attire, especially swimming gear!  Maybe as a teen and young adult it had to do with what I saw in the mirror, and poor self-image.  But I am physically and mentally the healthiest I have ever been as I have entered 40’s door.  And personally I don’t care what others think of me anymore.  
I have learned how destructive self loathing, self criticism, and comparing can truly be.  It is not productive!  It is not from God!
What I have learned over the years is it doesn’t matter how confident I am in my self-image:  I do not like swim suites!  I do not like clothing that plunges too much!  I do not like skirts that reveal too much leg!  
Take the bathing suit as an example.   There is something fundamentally wrong with walking around in something that might cover the essential spots to maintain privacy, “modesty”, but really how much more of a leap does it take for the mind to “uncover” the rest.
The moment I had a little girl I knew I wanted to instill in her a dignity in dress; a strength and pride in her sexuality; a beautiful respect and love for the body God gifted her with.
We have entered the pre-teen years with her; I noticed a shift in some of her outfit choices last year.  She is still very modest and aware of covering herself.  Yet she was becoming more comfortable with walking out the house in leggings, with skirts shorter than she wore in the past rather than longer, and sleeves falling off the shoulders.
It had me reflecting on where her fashion influences were coming from.  There were some TV shows she watched that definitely covered all these attire issues I was having.  There is definitely an influence from stores, media, everywhere….
But I also needed to reflect on my clothing.  I am a large influence in her life.  After all, our first examples for anything in life is from our parents.  So, I had to ponder: was I possibly doing or wearing something that could be creating a mixed message?
I was still covering myself from head to toe.  I don’t like plunging necklines.  I don’t make it a habit to allow shoulders to show in church.   I wear leggings under skirts but never by themselves.  The list goes on.  
I am not a prude….I am not patting myself on the back..I am just stating the facts!
Point is:  I am very aware of how, we as women, have a responsibility in our attire.  I am aware of how we can lead a man into the near occasion of sin through our attire and our actions. 
 I am very aware of, whether we as women like it or not, must dress with dignity, with modesty, with respect….not just to help the mind and soul of the opposite sex, but to also protect our own self-worth and dignity!
Thus, I started to reflect on my own attire. I realized many cloths are becoming easier to wash and not iron, not becoming worn out as much because of the awesome materials, they are made of.  They are becoming easier to wear, due to stretchy material to lend to all body types.  BUT, this comes with a price.
I realized even though I may work out in leggings and tank tops at home..I wouldn’t want to leave out in public that way.  That is walking around naked.  
But…I have other cloths that maybe aren’t far removed from that same look.  
Take my yoga pants for example.  They may flare at the bottom but they are form fitting from the waist to knee.  they are great to workout in, comfy to throw on for quick errands, and many more reasons to wear them! 
BUT….am I being modest enough to just go out in them?  Maybe a way I can make a more conscience effort is if I do go out in yoga pants I layer them with a cute little wrap skirt, or tennis skirt.  I can even use this same layering concept with the workout leggings if I am in a hurry to run an errand real quick!  
Maybe I can use one of the extra long yoga shirts that cover and hang to about mid thigh or longer?  Maybe with some of my dresses I can make sure they are layered  with a light sweater, if they are more form fitting?
 I can show and teach my daughter that we can be feminine and fashionable, have fun with our style, without revealing or sacrificing our true sexuality, self worth, dignity.
***Just think of jeggings!  What are their purpose?  In reality they are leaving NO imagination!  they may cover but they still “reveal” all!
I’ve been reading and learning more in this topic because it is near and dear to me.  I believe it has a huge impact and backing behind so many of the immorality issues  in our society today.  In addition to all the self-worth issues!
Through some of the books and and things I have been reading it has given me the opportunity to dig deeper and examine my own attire.  Just because I may be “modest” doesn’t mean I can’t continually learn, improve, and grow!  Every topic, issue, situation in life needs continual growth, and layering of learning! Think of an onion!!!
This topic is probably more important to me than so many more….I think it is more important than most people give it credit or time!
I think it is an area we can ALL continually learn and grow from.
We all want to look and feel attractive.  But what are we willing to sacrifice.  And at what cost!?
It reminds me of a story a friend shared with me.
A man told her once that he enjoys attending mass at a particular parish because during communion time he is able to watch all the “little” girls go up for communion with their little skirts showing all sorts of things.
IS THIS WHAT HE IS THINKING ABOUT INSTEAD OF…..I JUST RECEIVED CHRIST!
If a man is willing to “undress” our daughters during mass, during the most profound moment of the sacrifice of our Mass, what is he willing to do outside of Mass?
What can we do better, as women to lead men toward Christ?
What can we do better to show we truly love ourselves as Christ wants us to?
To trust God…to believe we are worth more than we are giving, than we are settling for!
Empower yourself…empower your daughter…empower another young girl in your life by constantly striving to love yourself through your thoughts and your actions and your prayer!!! 
Empower yourself…by respecting your beautifully made body!
Faith is love…
love is lasting…
It is true power in faith and love!
________________________________________________________________

As always….I would love your feedback, your engaging conversation….comments!
And remember to checkout all the above links.  I always add links throughout the blog to share with you some of my favorite places and/or resources!  
Learning is living…
living is loving…
loving is learning…
Blessings always,
~K 🙂