I miss my dad…
There are some days it hurts more than others.
There are some days it doesn’t even feel like he is gone.
Then there are those days that I know I can’t just pick up the phone and hear his encouragement or his love.
Yes I can speak to him in my heart….my soul…my spirit… even in my mind…..but the reality… it isn’t the same.
There are some days the grief is so powerful that it take my breath away.
What I do know about grief is I must be willing to allow myself the permission to truly feel it. To embrace the uncomfortable and climb the mountain.
If I don’t…..it not only can consume my mind and spirit but it can effect my physical health.
I know that grief can settle into our lungs and St. Hildegard talks about this quite a bit.
So using my tools of tapping, oils, journaling, fresh air, walks and sleep….giving myself permission to not push so hard in this season of my life has been extremely important.
I have to be honest…..I have tried to ignore it…..I have tried to think I could fast track it. I figured since I “know” this stuff…..teach about it….coach on it….blog about….I’ve done workshops and presentations on this…..heck I’ve got this!
But I didn’t…..and I’m still working on it.
So when I find myself really sinking into the sorrow and the pain of it I actually flip it. I try to focus on the blessings of his death.
💜 …He won’t haven’t go down the road of dementia. It ran in his family.
💜…He isn’t able to mediate between my mom and I anymore. The friendship and bond that her and I have been creating is soo powerful and beautiful.
💜… My brother and I don’t allow our difference to keep us from calling each other.
💜 … I was able to reassess what was really important in my life and not allow pride to keep me from making some hard changes.
💜 … It reinforced the importance of communication…..which I’m extremely passionate about…but I can sometimes not speak up for myself or not want to rock the boat.
💜 ….. it has reminded me to live in the moment and not pass up being there for family and church.
💜….and finally his death has been teaching me that is truly okay to press the pause button to focus on God even more…. so I can properly heal during this season of my life.
May my honestly on grief being you blessings in your own journey.
Have an amazing Monday!