I was pondering the whole onion analogy from the last chapter I shared with you all and was thinking about how even as I write this book layers are continually being peeled away.
There have been several situations that I truly had forgotten about….they had been buried deep away in my psyche. Yet as I write and continue to heal I will have glimpses, reminders, flashes….and aha healing!
May this next chapter bring you peace and healing on your own health journey of HOPE AND HEALING!
My prayers always!!!
CHAPTER 10: FAMILY & SPEAKING UP
Age 22 was a huge turning point for me. There was a side of my family my husband had not met yet. So we planned a trip for him to meet them. We traveled many states. It was an amazing delight for my hubby. He experienced true ranching early in the mornings and breathe in the world in a totaling different light. It should’ve been an amazing experience full of great memories. Yet it ended up being tainted in a way that I never imagined.
By this time in my life I was very good at recognizing a person’s intent. A persons respect or disrespect of our physical body. I had been blessed up to this point to have never felt uncomfortable or betrayed by family.
Yet that was about to end. I was washing dishes one day during our visit when a very close family member comes up from behind and grabs my butt firmly, turns me around then grabs my breasts. It happened so fast that I truly didn’t have the words or the know how to even comprehend what just had happened. Mostly because there was TONS of family right there in the room. Everyone in the kitchen laughed it off as if it wasn’t a big deal. Making comments like “he’s just getting old… senile… doesn’t know what he’s doing.” But that’s not true. How can that be? Something I do know from the work I have done and the women I have helped over the years, as well as the men I have watched, there isn’t a single man who doesn’t know what he is or isn’t doing when it comes to things like that.
I am not sure why, maybe because it finally was family that had crossed the line, but I shared it with my husband. It was too obvious to me that it was wrong that I didn’t feel like hiding from shame anymore. I didn’t feel like I had done anything to warrant the advances. Not like I had deserved any of the previous abuses but it was like the wool was finally pulled from my eyes. My husband being angry was an understatement. How he never said anything to this family member I have no idea.
Therefore when years later a similar situation took place I was finally ready to use my voice, to speak up for myself in a very bold way. I had been working on a project with other youth ministers in our area. I was in my mid-twenties. After a long morning of planning and prepping for a big trip to take our youth on, we took a break. Ironically it was a trip to take our youth to Canada. It was for World Youth day to “meet”, see, experience (now saint) Pope JPII!!!
When all the other youth ministers had left I had stayed in the room to visit with the lead youth minister to go over some details. He grabbed my butt saying how I was looking good. I was so taken aback. I felt betrayed on so many levels. He was a person I trusted not just because we knew each other, but because our families had gotten to know each other. I had been helping him and his wife with different areas in their marriage. And he was someone who was being trusted with our youth. I took the counsel of a dear friend and a priest who both supported and encouraged me to speak up and file a report. I felt so much guilt I felt such shame and blame.
I was so concerned with what would people think when and if they ever knew!? I felt responsible for possibly destroying a marriage, a family. He was removed from the position and this made it very real to me. It took some amazing people supporting and counseling with me to help me not take on his shame and blame. This was probably the next level of my healing because of the individuals who were there to support me and hear my voice and believe my voice.
What is super interesting to me is my very first Splanka session that ever took place (I will be dedicating a later chapter to learn all about Splankna) revealed this incident as the one I needed to heal from first. I found it so interesting that the one time I had actually spoken up and boldly about being wronged was the one that was needed to be worked on first. Of course knowing and understanding healing as I do now it is clear why. Which is interesting that I didn’t recognize it right away, especially since I do have a background in psychology. It is as simple as: we are onions. And this was the first layer that needed to be peeled in order to get to the deeper, rooted wounds and scars.
Has a family member or close friend left you feeling robbed of your innocence; have you been aggressive in ambitions to avoid a healing path?
Let’s take a look at the blend of: Ylang Ylang, Cumin, Lemongrass
Ylang Ylang: When abuse takes place within the folds of your own home it robs your innocence in a way that can be paralyzing. Your Inner Child freezes and starts bottling up anger. Ylang Ylang restores that innocence, in all situations really. It is a powerful oil to release emotional trauma and bottled up anger. It remedies the heart by reminding you of your intuition of what the heart knows.
Cumin: Abuse can get buried deep down and an individual can become obsessive and overly ambitious about work, careers, even ministry. But it is all smoke screen to address the underlying fears. Cumin surrenders us to not be attached to the outcome. Even the outcome of speaking up about a wrong. It addresses the underlying fear of not being valued.
Lemongrass: When we are violated in all situations a cleansing needs to take place. When it’s with family the cleansing is different, there can be hesitation. A desire to brush it under the rug. Lemongrass gently pushes us to enter into healing, to move forward without hesitation. And reminds us to be committed to a healing path. All the while cleansing our energy and our spirit.
Diffuse these three oils together or create a roller bottle so you can place them on pulse points. These are especially powerful oils to tap with. They will encourage amazing emotional release through your prayer and tapping.
Heavenly Father….heal my heart from this wound…..especially the wound of this person dear to me (insert name of family member or friend)….I trusted them….they betrayed my trust….I know I need to speak up yet I fear I will not be heard….I even fear they won’t love me anymore! Help me to erase that fear…to overcome that fear….and as I begin my healing journey that I also lift them for their healing. They too need healing. After all why else would they think that their actions could possibly be okay? Change their heart to turn to you……and heal my heart to be open to all the beauty YOU have for me to experience. I desire to experience love in a childlike free, way. I know with your help and grace I can and am free of free. I am cleansed and healed! Now I need to bring it from the head into the heart…..that is where I need you Lord. In your most precious name….AMEN.
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Are you ready to start Hope & Healing in your physical, mental, and spiritual Health journey?! I am here to bless and serve you!
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