I had an “aha” moment as I was sitting down to write some more on my book!
Which by the way….I am sooo sorry I didn’t get a posting out last week! Lots of amazing life taking place but unfortunately couldn’t sit still enough to share about it! But I will soon….I promise!
So back to the book….
I was reflecting on my desires to share my story with each chapter. Within each chapter I will share a wound of my sexual history: an abuse and/or a choice. The chapter will then also have a bible scripture or saint quote to help anyone with that type of healing as well as an oils blend to support that area in your life….and heck mine!
Which as any writer knows….trying to figure out any order, flow, rhythm with writing….fluidity….well can be a challenge sometimes. At least for me…..because I have to sometimes see the connections the strands of ideas in my head before I write them down. There are many times I have written and rewritten things in my head before I even get them down on paper to start the process of 2-10 more edits!
Then it hit me…..that’s what I said this blogging this year was going to be for! Right!? I was going to just start spending my mornings writing my book and sharing the parts as they come here on this blog. And it will all work itself out!
So why oh why have I still hesitated to get it out…..I’ve shared with you parts….pieces…..you all know my heart if you have read any of my blog posts. So why!?
I think it being holy week is a perfect answer to my why. Particularly Sunday’s Psalm…. “My God, My God why have you forsaken me!”
Now let’s be clear…..I do not feel that way…..anymore! I never actually felt that way through any of my sexual abuses, I actually felt it was me……my fault…..my flaw that attracted such use and abuse. For others to see me as an object to be “toyed” with.
BUT…..there have been times as an adult as I have been going through this healing journey that I have had to get real and truly get angry. Angry for the little girl in me who had her innocence robbed. Anger and hurt that God didn’t just jump in….after all couldn’t he have?!
By me getting REAL with my emotions….my anger…..my fear….I was FINALLY having a TRUE relationship WITH MY MOST AMAZING GOD! A God who HAS NOT ABANDONED ME. A GOD who was right there beside me, holding me, weeping for me, knowing that each of these men were HIS creation just as I was. They too were made in the image and likeness of Him…..yet they were NOT honoring the temple within them. They were giving into sin. They were listening to the whispers of the enemy. Thus missing the mark of holiness.
Yet….all they need to do is repent and they too can be set free. Which means I pray they have or do repent. Because each of them deserve, just as much as I do, to see God in all His amazing glory and beauty up in heaven one day. To be able to partake in the Feast of the Lamb!
But this is the kicker: I do not rely on my peace and my healing and my hope to be in their repentance. I released ALL of them years ago! I pray for them regularly and have found amazing love in my heart for them.
So this holy week as we enter tomorrow into the Last Supper, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, then Resurrection Sunday (Easter)……
I ask you: What is your cry to the Lord!?
Have you gotten REAL with Him, just as Jesus did on the cross!?
When you do….then you will TRULY have a relationship….communion….a connection that is profound!
Essential Drops of love, hugs, and prayers always,
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