I was in a funk the week before last and I wasn’t sure why….
Then it dawned on me….it was coming up on the anniversary of my grandmothers death.
This is what I remember about that day….
I remember my hubby leaving out of town for the week due to work. I remember my daughter and I having a latte date at Barnes and Nobles when I saw I had missed a call from my dad. And I remember giving him a call back when I got home……and starting a load of laundry while I packed up knowing I was going to travel 4-5 hours that day to be with my dad and help him with all he needed to do.
My grandmother died on my military service anniversary date. Why is this important: she was Navy as well…..she and I were kindred spirits in sooo many ways.
Over the last few years I often find myself laughing when I do something because I realize how much like her I am!
I didn’t grow up spending hours and hours talking and baking with her but I always felt amazing love and acceptance from her. I was able to be me. I never felt like I had to prove anything to her. I never got a lecture or a disappointed look about anything. And if I entered her kitchen when she was cooking (which everyone else was always promptly kicked out) I never was chastised for being in the kitchen.
Now if you understand the prongs and complexity of Hashimotos, there is amazing studies, research, and evidence about how complicated Hashimotos is in how it is linked to our emotions and traumatic events.
My grandmothers death was the 3rd traumatic event my body endured in a 16-18 month period. And I am able to understand it better today why her death was the tipping point of my thyroid storm.
My grandmother was my ONE SAFE person.
SHE LOVED ME AND ACCEPTED ME FOR ME!!!
I was always safe with her. I never had to worry about harsh words form her or teasing or anything negative. I truly don’t have a single negative memory with her.
I believe the little girl inside of me that was still needing to figure out how to heal from other traumas that were not revealing themselves yet…..well that little girl within felt panic…felt lost…..felt the rug pulled out from under her.
That little girl’s security blanket was gone…..so her body didn’t feel safe and went into disarray!
Even as I sit here writing this I feel amazing warmth thinking of her and profound loss because I realized everything I am writing is so true. This amazing light-bulb of realization and connecting the dots is profound, illuminating, and freeing!
Have you had an enlightened moment about a trauma in your life? Have you had a moment to add just one more piece to the puzzle of your health?! And have you found freedom in these realizations….revelations!?
Sit with this….pray about this…journal about it…..oil up and tap about it!
Today I’m oiling up with Console, Peace, and Cheer as I tap my thanks for having had a safe person in my life and still loving myself through others ways they can be hurtful through their words!
What are you going to oil up with and tap about!?
Many blessings, hugs, and prayers dear beloved ones!