I remember clearly, before my daughter, having to leave work one day because I was an emotional wreck. I had received news that someone, whom I had been helping learn how to monitor their fertility naturally, was pregnant. And I wasn’t!
I had taught this person all the tricks to achieve a pregnancy. They had accomplished their desired outcome….yet I had not! I balled on my bed. I was angry….hurt…and jealous. Plain and simple… jealous that this woman had been able to accomplish what I had been coveting for almost 3 years. Heck it was the reason why I became a fertility practitioner so I could learn even more on how to HELP MYSELF!
I didn’t recognize the jealously right off the bat….instead I found myself judging in my head: why her!? She doesn’t even practice her faith anymore!? She this…she that…. It wasn’t nice in my head…..and I am not proud of it….but if we are ALL HONEST with ourselves we each do it….some more than others…..and some more often.
BUT….we all do this. So we need to ask ourselves WHY!? Why do we sometimes find ourselves judging others more harshly than we should….or at all really!? I have found that when I take the time to truly examine my conscience and assess what is going on in my heart it is usually more about me than it is about the other person. And here is something to think about….even if the judgement could possibly be justified…meaning the person is doing something offensive, immoral, not cool…..it is STILL NOT OUR PLACE TO JUDGE!
This last year I have had to really work on this. I have had to assess every time I find myself judging a stranger….a friend….a family member about anything: health, nutrition, clothing, faith, etc……I have to assess WHY!?
It sometimes comes back:
Ugh but I know this person knows better!?
How could she wear that!?
Why is she eating that!?
And then I did deeper….and I was able to find that I found myself back to that day of crying on my bed asking: WHY HER, WHY NOT ME!?
Why does this person get to eat whatever they want and it not effect their health? Why do I have to have inflammation!? WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE AN AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE!
Why would she wear that outfit!? Doesn’t she know she is attracting lustful thoughts!? Why do I have to feel so compelled to care if I wear something that could cause a man to sin!? WHY WAS I EVER SEXUALLY VICTIMIZED IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
Why does she seem to have it so easy with life, finances, business, family, etc!? Why am I comparing when I love my life!? WHY DO I LIMIT MY THINKING!?
These are all loaded questions….and I have been able to really dig deep this last couple years but even more so this last year of finding freedom from judgement and realizing its relationship with envy….jealousy.
I have been able to see the blessings in my health….knowing that we are all uniquely different and it doesn’t matter if someone else can eat that chocolate cake….or that creamy cheese…..I CAN TOO if I really want to…..BUT I DON’T WANT TO because I don’t enjoy the inflammation.
I have learned that even judgement of someone elses choices of clothing is no different than the pharisees….being legalistic. I don’t know and can’t know this woman’s heart…..she can very much be walking in her heart in modesty thus that is more modest in life and action than any fully clothed woman who is walking around judging others in her head. I have also realized that my life experiences of be sexually objectified and some very dark experiences… have shaded, tainted my view on clothing, and I MUST always keep that in mind….thus help empower women about clothing not judge in my head….and then know they have a choice just like I do….AND LOVE THEM!
Finally I wouldn’t trade my life for any of these people I have ever judged in my head. I love my life….I love EVERY LITTLE BIT OF IT…..so why would I bother comparing or judging….because they have their own baggage of struggles…..just because I don’t know them or see them….doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Just because I am an open book doesn’t mean everyone else is as comfortable with being an open book…..and that is okay!
I WOULDN’T TRADE MY LIFE WITH ANYONE ELSE…..so there is absolutely NO REASON for me to judge or feel jealous.
A dear friend taught me a fabulous prayer that I now pray whenever I find myself judging:
“I renounce the idol of judgement. Holy Spirit come change my heart and change (fill in the name of the person here)”
I also lean on tapping because since it is usually a reflection for me of something I am actually judging within myself about then I tap to remind myself that “even though I feel (fill in the blank), I completely and totally love and accept myself!”
I have learned to take it to GOD first and follow up with some self assessment, self-care, and self love!
What or who have you been finding judgement in recently!? What is it’s root!? Take a moment today to sit with that question…pray….reflect….write….find peace and self-love!
Have a fabulous day my dear readers…family….friends….hugs and prayers always!!!!