Mothers and Daughters: Compassion or Competition

As I entered into my teens years there was this tug-of-war with my mom.  I feel it was a competition of some sort.

A competition for:

This may sound strange but I have reflected and watched other moms and daughters. Whether real life, television shows, movies, etc….and they all seem to portray this sort of “competition” in some way or another.  The mom trying to wear clothes her daughter would wear….to be “cool”, to “fit in”…..instead of just being herself.

but I believe the biggest competition I have witnessed is the physical.  I think a mom starts to see her mortality and her “flaws” as her daughter is coming into herself, her womanhood.  An older woman sees the legs of her daughter and wishes hers were firm and lean. She sees the perkiness of her daughters chest and compares the sagging, stretch marked breasts as flawed.  She sees her daughters face with no lines and becomes envious.

Thus the wedge is placed between them.


I am so grateful God purposed in my heart from the moment my daughter was in my womb to not only nurture the seed of self love but to nurture within myself to ALWAYS be myself with my darling daughter.



Therefore as I watch my beautiful daughter turn 13 this month and visually see the stunning beauty she has become physically, I truly see how beautiful her heart is as well.  I feel honor to be her mom.  I don’t sit and compare  And with a dysmorphic brain it could become an easy thing to obsess about.  But I don’t!  I truly smile and value, honor, the differences.  I see the unique beauty we each have and cherish how we compliment each other.  I cherish our moments together.  I cherish how she teaches me things as much as I teach her things.

I know the difference between our legs is years of strength training on my part.  I respect that when I have a day where my legs are retaining fluid, exhausted, feeling “heavy” because of the Hoshimoto’s-Hypothyroidism, I am still proud of all my legs have been able to accomplish for me during that day!

Rather than looking at my daughters legs with resentment I look at them with hope and desire that she doesn’t take them for granted.

I know the difference in my face and her face is years of laughter, sorrows, experiences, strength, and hopefully wisdom!

When I look at her face….I pray she too one day will have a face that expresses all
the love and laughter of life that I have experienced.

So….moms….honor your daughters budding body instead of comparing and creating a wedge.  There is enough hormonal gunk to try to wade through that we don’t need to add our own mental clutter to the mess.  This time should be a marvelous time to grow and learn together.  These are the days to create bonds that will last for a lifetime.

We have a choice for our daughters future relationship with us.  One where they look forward to coming home whenever they can as an adult…..OR… where they feel obligation to come out of politeness but no desire.


Take a moment today to reflect on your relationship with your daughter…..with your mother….write about it….pray about it….see where the SPIRIT takes you with it!

Many blessings and hugs this amazing day dear readers….family….friends…..

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