Many of us will spend today going to church, watching football, read our papers, and plan for our week.
I really like keeping Sunday’s simple. I love being able to get up in the morning….re-read the readings….reflect on all the amazing blessings God has gifted us with the week…..and anticipating with great thought just what He has in store for me with the upcoming week.
I especially love the hour my daughter is meeting with her religious ed group (CCD for all of us old-school…lol…). This hour is between the two main masses of our parish and we always attend the later one…..so for me I sit in the empty church read, write, reflect and just breath in God’s presence. Breath in all He has to share with me. I love this hour.
Yet recently I have been feeling a tug. There are many amazing adult formation classes going on during that same hour. I am torn with wanting to attend one of them or keep my peaceful hour.
Here is some of the chatter that goes on in my head:
If I attend a class then I can’t guarantee my daughter and I will be able to sit where we normally sit. (Hubby is in choir so we never need to consider where he sits…lol) Daughter likes routine, likes same spot….so do I.
If I attend a class I won’t be able to have my quiet hour. And sometimes that is my ONLY quiet time in a week.
If I attend a class I have to….well who knows what other excuse I can make!
But if I look at the other side:
If I attend a class, who knows what kind of amazing blessings and growth I can experience with this opportunity.
If I attend this class I could meet some amazing fellow Catholic Christians to grow from and or even help grow!
And really….I can’t figure out an hour to myself during the week? Didn’t I just comment last Sunday about how amazing God provided by waking me earlier in the mornings so I could do just that….have time alone? How selfish or greedy am I really?
And really…..if that seat, that usual spot, if it is meant to be ours then it will be ours…if not maybe just maybe we are suppose to sit somewhere else and be a blessing to someone near us!
Which had me really reflecting on Pope Francis talking about how we are the church. In his book THE CHURCH OF MERCY he talks about evangelizing, being the church and much more. A dear friend of mine was sharing how he states, we need to basically be “networking” within our pews, our church family, and out….even more. I am starting this book this week…btw…:)….
It has me pondering and realizing my very introverted, phlegmatic self, has been willing to push out my sanguine self at church. If I am willing to reach out and learn when I am at the store, my doctors office, out and about….then what has happened at church?!
After all I LOVE being at church!!! I LOVE BEING WITH GOD….I LOVE SPREADING HIS MESSAGE!
What is my resistance?
The realization came to me earlier this week:
I had entwined myself many years ago within one of the departments. It had a purpose for my daughter. But, point being, my volunteer work that started out just a few hours a week grew into so many hours a week that a position was actually created for me to receive a stipend. I did that for 2 years. I was honored and humbled that my time and work were valued to the extent to feel they wanted/needed to pay me.
Then my health took a fascinating turn, forcing me to step back and evaluate anything outside of my daughters education as well our family needs. This was parallel with my daughter being junior high age and her education needing to take some turns and direction that DEMANDED more attention from me.
Thus unplugging from my church, my volunteering, my work, was necessary and important. And I have seen the amazing blessings and growth that has taken place this last year as I was obedient to God’s calling me to do just that….to care for my health, my daughters education, and our families needs.
But NOW HE is reminding me that I can’t retreat, pull away forever….that He has more work for me to do and it starts at church….because HIS people ARE the church…..and that is where we learn, grow, love the best.
We were CREATED to LOVE….and how do we love?
We can’t do that alone.
Thus today….as I sit during my solitary hour before mass I will reflect on where exactly does HE need and want me to start getting involved again within HIS CHURCH….my FAITH FAMILY….?
I have created CHURCH FAMILY out at the store, at my docs office, random places….and now it is time for me to COME HOME to my FIRST FAMILY….and grow with them once again….and quit isolating myself….quit feeling like I don’t belong….quit complicating my thoughts….