Confession not Condemnation

I contemplated on whether to even put this in writing….would I be judged….would I be looked at differently…would I…..

Then I realized it truly didn’t matter because God put it in my heart to share and therefore there must be a purpose for it….

Why was alcohol one of my New Years sacrifices?
Why am I willing to give it up for an entire year?
Why fast or abstain from anything ever? Whether a short period of time or a long period of time?

Why?

Because I realized that for some reason alcohol for me was becoming what is a cake or potato chips to some.  Alcohol has never had a strong hold on me in the past…..yet this last year, particularly the last 3-4 months, it was becoming too important for me to have a glass of something in the evening.  It was becoming something that I looked forward to and thought about rather than other things.

Does this mean I am an alcoholic?  Does this mean I have an addiction?  I don’t think so….but I truly don’t know.  I do know that it isn’t healthy or helpful for my insulin levels.  With my insulin resistance it only adds to the problem because after all alcohol converts to sugar in your body…..therefore it is also not good for my kidneys….not to mention all my hormones.

I know it definitely hinders my adrenal glands from healing properly.  My cortisol is never getting a rest from fight or flight because of my insulin or is it because of my cortisol….or my estrogen…..you see how it becomes a vicious cycle of which came first.  Alcohol effects sooooo many things.

We all know alcohol isn’t good for our liver…..and since I have a gene that if expressed puts me at risk of fatty liver disease….well am I stupid?!  I would hope not.   And lets go back to the whole sugar conversion thing…..we have all been learning how the number one fuel for cancer cells is sugar…..well why on earth would I put my body in peril and risk!!!!!!!!!!!????????????

By now some of you may be rolling your eyes and even say….moderation…a little won’t hurt…..and all the wonderful excuses that I have even made myself.   But really this is not something I am telling anyone else they have to do…..it is something I know in my heart I need to do for a year to reset, to re-evaluate what role does alcohol really have in my life!?  And after a year do I want it back into my life!?

I have a compromised immune system….I have a thyroid condition…..I have adrenal issues…..I have a genetic profile that shows if certain cells are expressed I am at greater risk of many ugly things……WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO ADD FUEL TO ANY OF THESE FIRES!?

I have reflected on my why I have turned to alcohol more the last 3-4 months?!  Realizing….I like how it helps me relax…I like how it shuts my mind down with all the clutter…..yet how it also inspires me to be creative with my art or writing…..I like how it encourages my feeling like a woman in my marriage…..I like how it, for a moment in time, helps me not think of my health…..I like too many things about it….

There was only another time in the past (about 3 years ago) that I can think of that I was starting to lean on alcohol too much to help “ease” my burdens…..help me not think of all I was juggling…..I turned to it waaay to much.  At that time in my life I definitely turned to it to comfort me.  Much more than anyone even knew or realized.   I sometimes wonder and ponder since I still “flirted” with leaning on it too much from time to time after that, could it have been one of facets, one of the pieces, that created this storm within me for my health.

Sooooo……I realized I needed to really reflect and take responsibility for my health….for my life….for my soul…..I want to live a life of 100% INTEGRITY……a life that is not about me but about GOD…..

Therefore since alcohol is my chocolate….my cake….my potato chips……and a dangerous one at that….I have opted for 2016 to say NO to alcohol.  I want experience everything 2016 has to offer without compromise.  I want to know that I am truly doing all I can to help my health improve.  I want to feel I am truly engaging with my daughter.  I want to experience all the feelings of being romantic and wonderfully woman without a glass in me.  I want to  create without liquid courage.

 And I want to smile at the end of the day and know I LIVED TODAY WITH INTEGRITY WITH HONOR WITH GLORY IN GODS WILL!!!

So do I think I have a problem….I don’t know….I don’t think so…..but I do think it could become a problem….and this is why this is so important to me.  My thought is by doing this fast for 1 year from alcohol…..I am saying God…my Life…..is more important than anything else…..that I can sacrifice for 365 days…..it is worth it…..I am worth it….HE IS WORTH IT…..then how can I not be a better me….a me who can decide if it really was a problem…..a me who can decide if the occasional glass from time to time is truly not a big deal…..a me who can say I CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT!!!

Thus I hope this gives courage and strength to ANYONE who may have a struggle, a vice, an addiction to ANYTHING…..alcohol, shopping, sugar, porn, technology, tv…..anything…..that you too can reflect and pray about how you want to live!?  Do you want to live in the light or in the shadows!?  You CAN CAN CAN overcome ANYTHING with HIS grace, HIS will, HIS love, HIS MERCY!!!!

Have a glorious day…..
my prayers are always out there for everyone…..
Kelly 😉

PS…..the picture is of a journal I picked up last year.  It is awesome…..a wonderful way to reflect on your day at the end of the day.  It has a few questions you answer that help you really focus on being the best you!  What is cool is it carries out over 2 years so as you are writing during the 2nd year you are able to reflect on what your thoughts and words were the previous year.  It gives you the opportunity to really reflect on how you have grown and changed.

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