Femininity on Friday

What has happened to the day of doors being opened for a woman?

What has happened to women gathering in sewing circles to support each other through fellowship and faith?

When did women become more and more insecure with their bodies?

…More obsessed with the “perfect” life, body, faith?

How did we get here?

I listen to  many podcasts….watch many nutritional and spiritual webinars….read as many books I can get my hands on….

And it appears to me there is an overall theme recently:  self-image issues, distortions….lack of self-love…and a serious obsession of focusing on the “perfect” life, body, soul!

WE ARE NOT PERFECT!  We were not created to be perfect.  We ARE flawed….AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES US BEAUTIFUL!

Here is a side bar before I get back to my point!

Last year I had a personal goal of training for a 10k.   Just to do it.  I had never really ran that long before without pain.   Years before my daughter, I had gotten up to 7 miles which I know is just a bit under a 10 k. It had always left me feeling depleted and plus I didn’t know near as much 10 years ago, as I know now, about health and nutrition.

Thus, I embarked on this fun challenge.  The result: I actually did it with ease, effortlessly.  I was running about 2-3 times a week and got up to running 8 miles 1-2 of those days.  I did this in about 2 months time, if not less.  It wasn’t too difficult since I had been learning the art of Chi-running, mixed with the whole foot concept.  Plus my nutrition was really dialed with being a real food pursuer verses lots of refined stuff.  I knew exactly what were clean fuel choices….yada yada yada!

There were many things I noticed:
It was freeing to go for a run and listen to a podcast for forever!
It was fun seeing the city in a different perspective not just my block.
I got super super skinny and lean.
I felt the lightest (mentally and physically) I had ever felt in my life!
I finally truly understood the saying “a runners high!”

Was I harming myself?  Was it right for me?

My right hip socket started to feel like it was ripping.  Even with doing all the “right” things with my running.
I was too thin for my body type and frame. It was not a weight I could naturally maintain and expect to truly be healthy.
I WAS losing muscle tone….and becoming what is dubbed as a “skinny fat”.
I would think about only the long runs not the short or even the sprint work.
I obsessed on how to get the right fuel without overloading on starches/carbs.

 Not everyone has the same experiences,  I am only sharing what and how I felt.  And how this impacted my personal physical and mental health.

What was interesting….what really made me re-evaluate my running was not only the information I was listening to and reading about running and our bodies but my hip, my mental health, and my feeling old!

I was the “healthiest” I have ever been yet I actually felt old and stiff.  And only 6 months before I felt my healthiest and mobile.

What was the difference?
I realized I was grinding my joints…pushing for a “perfection” that didn’t need to be done!
Just because I could do something didn’t mean I should.
Just because I proved to myself I could run this amount….didn’t mean I should maintain it.

The downfall ripples:

Over the following months I chose to back off my running and start focusing on my muscle, joint and bone health.  Knowing that I was knocking on 40’s door….I needed to really think about these factors if I wanted to continue to be exceptionally mobile and flexible.   After all the last 4 years I had learned all this to a beautiful art….yet I was allowing a few months of an obsession undue all my great health and progress for the longevity!

This was the hard part,  I knew I needed to be patient with the repair my body needed.  I knew I needed to refocus on strength.  I knew my body was going to rebel as I tweaked my nutrition and life.  I knew my body would be inflamed as I healed.  I knew I would start to regain weight.  I knew I needed to ensure the weight was healthy muscle.  And I knew I needed to think of the long term not the right now.

YET….being a woman :)….I became moody, hormonal, self conscience, and dissatisfied with what I was seeing and feeling.  I found myself feeling obsessed again…..

“oh no!  I put on 5lbs….oh no put on almost 10!”……never mind that my pants still fit and fit even better….never mind knowing what I know that MUSCLE DOES WEIGH MORE THAN FAT!!!!  Never mind that I WAS building some great muscle.  And never mind that I was looking and feeling my healthiest!

Instead, I became focused on what I have always deemed as my weakness rather than my asset!  My hips, my behind!

I saw them creating curves again.  I viewed these curves as the enemy rather than strong, wonderful muscle. I wasn’t “twiggy” anymore…even though it had been a short “life” of being twiggy….it had changed my view of how I saw my beauty, my strength, my health.

I had forgotten the simple fact that when you are dialed in to your nutrition, your health, then your body is going to have a natural setting point.  I need, I must, respect that setting point because that set is going to be the most natural, comfortable to maintain and be respectful of for the rest of my life; rather than an up and down, broken approach.

Months months and months later….I am finally back to my old self….being a typical hormonal, complex, emotional….BEAUTIFUL….fantastically feminine woman.

A woman who knows that my curves ARE beautiful.
A woman who knows she is not unhealthy…not “too big”….
A woman who loves deeply…
A woman who is strong: physically, mentally, emotionally….SPIRITUALLY!

A woman who doesn’t compare but admires and respects others.
A woman who loves deeply.
A woman not afraid to say I LOVE YOU to friends.

A woman who is not afraid to be vulnerable.
A woman who will be patient with others and especially with oneself.
A woman who wants to be the BEST example possible on health of mind body and soul for her daughter.

A woman who is passionate about her faith.

A woman who is NOT PERFECT…and proud of it!!!!

This brings me back to the beginning of all this…

What has happened to the day of doors being opened for a woman?
What has happened to women gathering in sewing circles to support each other through fellowship and faith?
When did women become more and more insecure with their bodies?
…More obsessed with the “perfect” life, body, faith?
How did we get here?

I think they are all tied together.

There was a time we dressed without revealing. Thus not giving us the opportunity to not only compare ourselves nearly as severely as present day, but also maintaining respect for the mans eyes.  There was a time when we blushed if a man looked at us as if we were a steak rather than a heart.  There was a time when women knew strong bodies could do more work during the day.  There was a time when we viewed our true femininity, our design, as a beautiful gift not a curse.

Women need to take back their desire to be a woman.
Women need to be proud of everything about who they are.
Women need to remember that when you desire something of others you are desiring not only the “good” but also the bad.  We ALL have strengths and weaknesses.

Women MUST look in the mirror each day, smile, say…

We must not let life pass us by by focusing on what we don’t have, what we wish we could change, or dwell on past pains….


If we all make a concerted effort to do this we can change minds, hearts, souls….one smile at a time….one kind word at a time….one moment of self love at a time!


By loving yourself, you are open to God’s love.  You KNOW He loves you.  Thus when you know He loves you, you love and respect yourself even greater.   When you love yourself even greater, you can love others greater.  You start to focus on others needs and loving others rather than your obsessions.  By loving others greater is one the greatest gifts of self love you can give yourself because you began to love yourself even greater when you are doing for others.  
It becomes the glorious cycle of love….ripples of love….love: AGAPE!!!

Do this for you….do this for the women in your life….do this for the young, impressionable girls in your life….do this for LOVE!

STOP focusing on the “flaws”….start focusing the the beauty!



Do you love yourself….do you see the beauty He created in you?

Take a moment to write and reflect on this….and start making changes today….right now….


Drop me a line to share your thoughts!

Many blessings always,
~K 😉

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